Tuesday, October 9, 2007

No more "school" !

I was told that I may feel out of sorts due to not going to treatment every day. I thought there would be no way i'd miss it. I certainly don't miss the treatments. What i do miss is having a kind of job to do every day. I saw usually the same people and i knew what was going to go on, knew what to expect to a certain extent. Now I rest and make plans and rest some more.

Sounds pretty good right? what do i have to complain about then? Its just a feeling of loss, starting a new scary chapter in my life. Its exciting but also a bit unknown.

I was faced with some disappointment this past weekend. Friday night was a celebratory night. i was drinking my glass of sparkling wine, smelling my beautiful roses from Dan, life was good!

Then i woke up saturday morning and was so exhausted! I had lunch with my dad and stepmom. Our plan was to have lunch and go to the museum. Near the end of lunch I was so fatigued. It hit me hard. I had to go home after lunch.

What happened to all that excitement and celebrating? I want my energy back! i tend to get a bit impatient.

Its just depressing sometimes. I want to snap my fingers and be feeling good again. It doesnt work that way. I was told I'd probably feel tired for at least a week, maybe two. I wanted to prove them wrong. My body didn't go along with that plan.

I rested most of saturday and most of sunday. Watched my Patriots for a bit and then my good friend Nancy came up for a visit. We got some dinner and watched a movie. Had an early piece of chocolate cake for my pre-birthday celebration. Fun! I was still hoping i'd wake up and have all kinds of energy. Luckily Nancy was pretty tired too, so we got to just chill out.

Yesterday, my birthday.......yahoo!!....I woke up to a very cold morning, brrrrrrr.......Nancy and I got some coffee, I treated myself to a Mocha Latte, chocolate for breakfast...mmmmmmmm. We walked to the ocean in the misty weather. Reminded me of the UK.

On our way we spotted a small bird that was dead on the sidewalk. I moved it to a flowerbed. sad.

On our way from the beach I saw a red raspberry. Only one, and perfect! I ate it up. I wanted there to be one for Nancy, but she said that was my special birthday raspberry. So good with the mocha, yummmm.

We got almost back to my house when we saw yet another dead bird on the sidewalk! The same kind of bird, i think they were finches. We looked near by it and saw a cat staring down at the bird. We don't know for sure if the cat killed the bird. It was just so disturbing that we would see two birds, in a matter of minutes, in totally different locations, dead. I mentioned this wasnt a good omen for my birthday.

I thought about a book I had read years ago. Life as a Waking Dream. You interpret your day as if it was a dream. So, what would this "dream" tell me? Two dead birds and a raspberry. Nancy was saying maybe something in my life needs to die off, a bad habit or unhealthy pattern, way of living.

So, yes, i would like to think thats what the meaning of the dead birds means to me, and not bad ju ju.

Nancy went home and I rested until my stepsister came over. We split the bottle of champagne that Nancy brought me, a mini bottle. We met my mom and stepdad for some japanese food. yum, yum. Love sushi, especially Unagi, the eel. We ended our meal with some greentea fried icecream with a candle and embarrassing "happy birthday" singing.

Today I'm laying low, after i had an appointment and ran about town a bit. I'm done for the day. Feeling a bit off, sore throat and just a run down feeling. Hope i'm not coming down with something. I need to be well for the rest of the week, lots going on. Still have some more celebrating to do.

Thank you to the people who sent kind birthday wishes and lovely cards!

Back to resting again.............but i really want to go see Korn!! ........Next time for sure!

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