My Horoscope today....

Let's get the worst-case scenario out into the open. You keep looking at some gloomy picture of how things could all go wrong, but you're not exploring this fully enough. You only get half way down the dark road and then, seeing something you feel you can't face, you scamper back to the safety of a tender hope. Finish that mental journey. Look the imaginary monster in the eye then force yourself to envisage going right on past it. A pleasing destination awaits you. Regardless of what happens, you have nothing to fear - but the worst is not going to happen. In fact, this week is due to be pleasing and liberating. (from Jon Cainer--astrologer in England)


More a bit later........

Bah Humbug!

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted here.

I am doing my best to try and get into the holiday spirit and not having too much luck.

I really don't like the holidays too much. Growing up it was always stressful and not much has changed. I never have enough money to buy presents for people, no matter how crafty or economic I try to be. I love being able to buy gifts for the people I care for but when it feels "forced" then it gets all crazy.

I've never been a real crafty-type person. I've learned some skills over the years but never felt like I was that good at it and it didn't give me much joy. I told myself that "This year I'm going to make things for people!". Hasn't happened and its two weeks till Christmas.

It's not going to happen.

There have been some illnesses and death lately. That doesnt help either. November seems to always bring bad news.

My Osteopath that I see said that about 80 percent of her clients lately are not in the spirit either and she wished that we could have an alternate world where the people who didn't like the holidays could go and the people who DO like the holidays can go to another world. Sounds good to me.

I DO like some things about the holidays. Some of the Christmas movies are sweet and nostalgic. The good foods that are made at parties are fun. Some of the music is sweet. I especially love A Childs Christmas in Wales.

The overall emotion at this time of year is heavy and sad.

The commercials on t.v. remind me of things I don't have in my life. That special someone to share memories with. The inability to buy the gifts I want to buy for people. So on and so forth. It's all just so depressing and I look forward to December 26th. New Years Eve doesnt seem to bother me too much. Sure it would be nice to have someone to kiss at the stroke of Midnight but I am mostly o.k. with that. It passes pretty quick.

I know this post is un-festive and depressing.....but I figure I'm not alone. There are many people that are lonely this time of year.

I guess I'm one of them.

FALL ALREADY?

So, it's Fall now....feels like Winter with the unusually low temps. Supposed to get back up to normal next week. I'm just not ready. Short Summer, short Fall....I want to fall to the ground and throw a huge tantrum about it!

I am now 40 years old. My mom said that now she can't say she has any children in their 30's anymore. My brother is 6 years older. She does have step children in their 30's.

I have mixed feelings about being 40. Mostly I feel it's just a number and I'm glad I am not in my 20's anymore. The 30's were pretty rough, so mostly I'm looking forward to the 40's. However.....looking at where I'm at in my life it can also be depressing at times.

I spoke with one woman about it the other day and she said that when she hit 40 she thought to herself that finally she can just settle in and relax. She had her marriage and children plus career and now could feel she's entitled to not strive for something more. Just be.

For me? Well, I'm still striving for something and someone.

Not married, no children, no boyfriend. No career. hmmm....a bit depressing huh?

I know that just because one is married with children doesn't mean all is blissfully right in their world. I recognize that some marriages are very challenging and exhausting and some career choices aren't all wonderful too.

The grass is always greener right?

I would just like to look back at my life and be o.k. with what I've accomplished. Ummmm, not so much.

I'm still here and still searching. Maybe my 40's will be full of happy surprises?

Fingers crossed.

Been A Long Time

I have that Led Zeppelin song in my head now...

So, I don't know if anyone is even checking my blog anymore but thought I'd write anyway.

There has been a lot going on but for some reason I haven't felt inspired to talk about it.

There has been camping at music festivals, visiting with friends and family and mostly just trying to stay afloat.

Major computer issues that have mostly been fixed, put me into a panic state for a while.

How can one feel pretty good one minute then something seemingly insignificant happens and all hell breaks loose?

I know of a couple of people who are having a really rough time in treatment. It's hard to witness and not be able to fix or help in some way. All I can offer is an ear.

When I was in treatment that was mostly what helped me the most. Someone to just listen. Not fix or judge, just listen.

I met a new survivor the other day. She's young. I'm guessing in her 20's. I gave her my email. She expressed that her "buddy" isn't really compatible with her. I'm really hoping she contacts me and I can be of some help. She had just had her first chemo and her energy and expression reminded me of ME when I was in the beginning of the cancer journey. Its a bit like a deer in headlights. You go through the motions and sometimes it feels like sleep walking through a nightmare.

I would love to be more social but it's hard when I feel I don't have much positive to say and not much to tell people of what I've been up to. So, why put myself in that uncomfortable situation?

I'm working on my inner self now and that's not always acceptable in our society. Its a lot of "what do you do?'s" and "what have you been up to?"'s.

Since I'm not currently in treatment I think its' hard for some people to understand why i'm not working now.

One woman whom I haven't seen in months and months, who also went through cancer treatment said to me..."I wish I didn't have to work". (strong emphasis on the I), A bit sarcastic and judgmental. I wish I could explain to her that it's not a walk in the park. I am not just sitting around and doing nothing. Not having fun or living it up. No.

I had an interesting experience with a baby Ram the other day. I used my massage therapy skills and gave him a neck and face massage while visiting him at this farm I camped out at. He was so blissed out he almost fell over. His eyes closed to slits, head falling to one side, smile on his face. What a great experience to have. So sweet. I wish he lived closer so I could visit him again soon. Animal therapy can be so powerful. Animals are so responsive and open to love.

Just put one foot in front of the other......

Four Leaf Clovers

I was waiting for the bus today in the shade of a tree, it's very hot out today...and I noticed a huge patch of clovers.

Do you remember looking for four leaf clovers when you were young? Or maybe you still do? I started looking for them but lost patience and my bus arrived. There are hundreds of clovers in those bunches they grow in. When I was younger I would spend a good deal of time trying to find one. I was very determined.

I never did find one. I saw someones' once and was very jealous.

It reminds me of lucky charms. I also had a rabbits foot when I was a wee child. It was one of those that was on a key chain and was dyed some horrible color like electric blue or pink. Maybe the dye was to make it fun looking and take away the reality that you are holding a poor rabbits limb? Who knows. Who started that idea anyway?

Did someone one day say... "Hey, I bet if you cut off a rabbits foot and carry it around with you, you'll have good luck!" Hmmmmm....

What other so called lucky charms are out there I wonder?

There's the horse shoe over the doorway, Bridgets Cross over a doorway as well, and many others.

I could really use some luck right now, so I'm keeping my eyes open for that four leaf clover.

Hospice

I want to volunteer for Hospice. There is a Hospice Home about 20 minutes from me. I saw it when I was there for a meeting with the Cancer Buddys from the Cancer Community Center not long ago. The Home is almost 2 years old, very nice.

I got some volunteer information, such as there is a 40 hour training program required before you can start. I also got the volunteer coordinators' name and number.

I have been witness to two deaths. My good friends' mom from England, died while I was giving Reiki to her. It was a powerful experience for me. The other passing was from another of my good friends' mom. I arrived at about an hour after she passed.

Some people can look at Hospice Care as being too depressing but I see it differently.

Why is it that a birth of someone is more celebrated than a death? Other cultures celebrate a persons' life instead of being all sad and hidden. Look at New Orleans. People will parade down a street and play instruments. I'd love to have that kind of funeral procession.

Unfortunately the volunteer coordinator left a message saying the next training is full. That's in September. The next training session isn't until next Spring.

I will try to get on a waiting list. I suppose it's a really good thing that there are lots of people wanting to be involved with Hospice Care. At least there aren't a lack of volunteers

What Would You Do?

I was in a pretty good mood the other day. It was finally sunny out and I decided to go for a walk downtown.

I was listening to some music on my iPod, soaking up the sun.

I see a bird on the sidewalk. It looks like it's a young seagull. Still has its fuzzy head with brown and white speckles of feathers. It was balancing on one leg and had one wing hanging close to the ground. It was injured.

What do I do now? I can't just walk on by and pretend I didn't see an injured animal in need of help. I watched the bird for a while, hopping along on one foot, chirping with its young voice.

I called 411 and got the number for an animal shelter. They gave me the police department which deals with animal control issues. The police man I spoke with was not very friendly or helpful. He asked what kind of bird it was and then I could tell that I was just wasting his time. He said the animal control person was dealing with a dog and didn't know when they would be back. I asked if there were any bird rescue places I could call and his reply was "Not for seagulls".

I was standing in the hot humid sun, watching this bird, trying to decide what next to do.

When I got close to the bird I would hear the adult seagulls yelling at me from above. There were probably a dozen seagulls on the roof of the building I was next to. They were looking down at me and the injured bird. I guessed that the bird must have fallen out of his nest and injured itself, or maybe he thought he was ready to fly and couldn't manage it?

I then thought I'd try and get some food or crackers or something for it. The only thing open nearby was a book store that specialized in cookbooks and books about food but no food for sale. The owner was very nice. He said he'd seen the bird the day before and went to give him some water. When he put the water dish down the other birds from above came swooping down on him. I asked if he had a box that I could try and put the bird in, at least keep him from walking on the injured leg too much. If the animal control people did show up they could use the box to carry it in. The bookstore owner taped up the sides of the box and also gave me some water in a plastic container.

When I approached the bird it got really freaked out. It started to hobble away as fast as it could and then the birds above me were yelling up a storm.

I knew the box idea was not a good one. I didn't want to upset the bird and possibly cause more injury to it. I also didn't feel like getting attacked by seagulls.

It pained me to do it, but I walked away. I told the man at the bookstore that I couldn't help the bird and he said he'd let the animal control person know (if they showed) where it was.

I finished my walk and went home.

If the bird had been a hawk or eagle or a bird near extinction, there would be some place that could help the bird, but because it was a seagull, no one cared.

Why is it that certain species get all the attention and others don't?

I watched people walk by the bird, looking down at it, maybe pausing for a second, visibly upset by the pitiful scene, then kept walking.

If it had been a cat or dog limping around, people would have acted sooner, i'm sure of it.

Who am I to judge when I couldn't follow through with helping the bird? Maybe it was the birds' journey to go through that fall? Who knows for sure.

When most people see pigeons, seagulls, small birds, or squirrels injured, they think nothing of it.

I lived down south for a bit and I remember being so disturbed by how much "road kill" there was there. It was very common to see several possums, skunks, or animals from the rodent family killed on the road daily.

I suppose if you are used to seeing something every day, it becomes common place.

I still get upset when I see animals dead on the road. No matter what species it is.

All life matters.....well, maybe not mosquitoes......ok....even mosquitoes I suppose.

This experience just got me thinking about how we as humans put a kind of value on certain species. Like that police officer said.... "Not for seagulls".

I went by the same place the next day and there was no sign of the injured bird. I really hope the animal control officer DID come by and maybe it's getting the help it needs. Or maybe.....I don't want to think about the other option. I choose to think it's getting help.

...more on MJ

I didn't expect to be thinking so much about MJ's passing but I have.

I was speaking with my friend this morning and we tried to remember the last time a universally known celebrity died. When was the last time the world mourned for someone?

When Diana died there was huge response. If you think about the last big musical celebrity that died I'd have to go back to John Lennon and then Elvis. Sure there was Kurt Cobain but his life ended way too soon. He wasn't known all over the world like MJ was. My friend said "Its' like our generations' Elvis".

I mentioned in my previous post the obvious music and video explosion that MJ had influenced but what about his dance moves and fashion?

There's the moonwalk and the pelvis gyrations. ( I could have done without those personally) MJ was influenced by Elvis and James Brown for sure, but he also had his own moves.

Then theres the one sparkly glove and mirrored sunglasses that turned to just dark sunglasses. The red leather jacket with studs on it. Even his hairstyle was copied.

MJ had so much influence, more than I imagined.

I'm finding myself listening to his songs. I downloaded 6 songs that I like. One of my favorite is "Dirty Diana". Sure the Jackson Five was amazing and talented and had some great hits, but they weren't from my generation. I don't relate to those songs. I can listen to the Thriller album or the Bad album and remember the 80's. The videos and styles.

I wonder about his kids. What are they like? Will they reveal years from now who MJ really was? What was he like as a father? Curious.

I also wonder if Michael Jackson is looking at all the outpouring of love and smiling his child like grin.

Reflection

So, another huge music celebrity has passed. Michael Jackson was quite the interesting person from what I've seen and heard of him. I loved his Thriller album when it first came out. I really really loved the videos. I was of the age to appreciate the new t.v. show called MTV and with MJ's videos it made it that much cooler. I think my favorite is "BAD" when they are dancing in the subway station. I couldn't help but be hypnotized by him. My eyes wouldn't move off of him at all. There was something about him that you just couldn't ignore, no matter how hard you tried.

As a person, well....I'm sure there are so many judgments about him. We as outsiders really didn't know much. We only got what the media told us. I wanted to assume that he had molested those boys and was mistreating his kids but do I really know that? No. He had some very strange behavior, but what if he was just a big kid in an adults body? If a child did the things he did, people may have forgiven him easier. What if the alleged abuse from his father really distorted him and he was just doing the best he could? We'll probably never know what was really going on in his mind.

So, what I wanted to do was to appreciate Michael Jackson for his music and the major contributions he gave to the music industry and video industry.

There is also the passing of Farrah Fawcett. She was a fellow cancer survivor and what the survivor she was! From what I've heard about her video documentation of her journey, she didn't give up for anything.

There are many people dying every day. When someone famous dies it causes people to stop and reflect.

RIP MJ and FF!

Reading Minds

I was thinking about how it would be so amazing to have a device that could read minds. This one would be different than being a telepathic reader. This device would be hooked up to your head, and when you are thinking, the device would transcribe the words onto a screen. You could see all that you were thinking. I bet there would be some scary results, especially from my brain.

What if you could hook up the device at night when sleeping and the images would be put onto a DVD, all your dreams would be recorded like a movie that you could watch the next day. I'd love to see my dreams and maybe analyze them from a Jungian point of view. Some would be scary for sure but wow, wouldn't that be incredible?

I've always been intrigued by what the mind can do. Experts say we only use a small part of our brain. Most people anyway. Why is that? Why haven't we been able to open up the other parts of our brain and explore the other possibilities?

What about hypnosis? How does that work? How can you tap into the past part of the brain and retrieve information that doesn't seem to want to be consciously known?

What if there is a future part of our brain that everyone has the ability to tap into and we just don't have the ability to do so? Similar to Mediums who can see the future or know things that others can't.

I've been wanting to write again. I would like to try to put my crazy thoughts into some kind of comprehensible order.

Maybe I'll take a hypnosis training course?

My mind could be opened up to all kinds of possibilities.

Sounds

Side effects, what a joy!

I've been experiencing some side effects and I at first thought maybe it was due to lack of sleep but i'm thinking now it could be medication related.

My left eyelid has been twitching. It's not unusual to have an eye twitch off and on especially if a person is stressed out or over tired. This eye twitching isn't going away. Its not 24 hours a day but its every day. It can be quite annoying when you want to read a book or do Sudoku as i've been doing lately. It's almost like when you hear a sound that continues on and on. A bit crazy making.

I have also been dealing with some shoulder pain that doesnt seem to want to go away either.

I try not to go immediately to "the cancers' back!" place, but it's a challenge.

I saw this interesting movie the other day called "Seagulls Laughter". Its a foreign film. Icelandic language with English subtitles. Have you ever heard Icelandic? What an interesting sounding language. The tones used along with the expressions was so interesting to me. I've seen probably 10o's of foreign films in my lifetime and so i'm used to many different languages but i'm not sure i've seen an Icelandic one. I highly recommend it. If anything, just to listen.

I'm finding sounds to be a focus for me for some reason, lately.

I'm noticing sounds all around me. Its funny because I have a hearing loss in my left ear, so you'd think I wouldn't notice sounds as much.

I went to the local beach near me on Friday. I closed my eyes and just listened to all the sounds around me. Kids playing in the water. Dogs splashing after sticks. People rollerblading or riding their bikes. Many types of birds. Cars parking. Tug boats transporting cars to the local islands.

The most calming sound is of the ocean waves. So cliche' but i've always loved it. Even as a child I would go to the ocean when I was upset about something. Usually teenage angst over a boy. I would always feel so much better on my walk home.

I picked some dandelions and put them in a vase. They are considered weeds and dont last but a day or so, but they are still pretty. Their bright yellow is welcoming to the eyes after a dark winter.

So, side effects or not, things are pretty well for me right now. Its spring and there are so many sounds to help distract when the physical pains are annoying.

Sunrise Memories

I haven't been sleeping all too well lately.

This morning I was up at around 5:30am. I watched the sun rise with all its fiery colors. A memory came to me of when I used to work for a baking company. I had to be there very very early. I would walk to work every morning when the streets were quiet. I loved that walk. It was a great way to start my day. I would protest getting up so early but in the end I loved it. Walking into the bakery and greeting the sleepy bakers who have been there for a few hours by that time. The smells of freshly baked bread and pastries filled my nostrils. I would start the coffee pots and organize my post as customer service person.

I have memories of enjoying a warm just out of the oven brioche roll or a scone. Once in a while, and I mean once in a while...I would enjoy a sticky bun, called Morning Buns. They were deadly but tasty.

I would be out of work by 2 or 3pm and have all the time in the world to enjoy the day. When it was summer time it really made a difference. I felt I still had a good portion of the day left.

All of this came to me this morning by looking at the sunrise.

I posted a picture from a May Pole celebration, Beltane ritual, on a popular beach in Maine, this past Sunday. It was cold but still a pretty good time.

I've been having a rough week emotionally. Maybe it's the time of year? Spring time brings up all my insecurities. Not having a partner, not having children.....Spring and Beltane is about fertility and creation. Love and Joy.

The Beltane ritual highlighted my losses and what i'm lacking in my life. There were lots of children and families there. Lovely to see the kids dancing and making sand castles.

I AM happy for all my friends and family who have their own little family and relationships, I really am. It just feels like someone turned on a spotlight thats blinding me and forcing my loneliness out to the surface.

Summer is on the way....I think of Summer as a time for single people.

Can someone just turn down the lights a little?

Goodbye Ruby

I got some very sad news today that my favorite dog in the world had to be put to sleep today. She was not in good shape due to an ear virus of some sort and it was the humane thing to do. She was getting up there in age and i'm sure it was harder for her to fight off the virus that was attacking her. Now she is in peace.

Her name was Ruby and I first met her when I lived in NYC when my brother adopted her. We had many wonderful walks together and a moment of fear that was an experience I feel bonded us in some way. We witnessed a man abusing a small dog and both of us were screaming at him till he ran into his apartment. Ruby didn't bark much at all so when she freaked out like that I knew it was serious. I just wish I could have rescued the small dog.

Ruby was then adopted by my wonderful step brother and his wife. They have loved Ruby for many many years. Every time I would see Ruby, even if it was many months since i'd seen her, she would make this whining noise of excitement, she did this with a few people. I was honored that she even remembered me after long periods of not seeing her. Everyone that met Ruby fell in love with her immediately. She had such a gentle soul and an enormous heart.

I'll miss you Ruby!

Happy Ostara!

Yesterday was the first day of the Spring Equinox! yea! I am SO ready for spring its not funny!

Ostara is another name for the Spring Equinox, Equinox meaning same amount of day to night. With the time change the days are longer and its very much obvious.

I read my last post and realized I didn't post my mammogram results. They came out fine! I don't have to get another mammogram for a year now! I've been waiting for the day to come when I can wait longer and longer to get tests. I still have to see my Oncologist every 2 months or so, but we just have a quick check in and sometimes he draws blood, but no scans! whoo hoo!

I've been feeling pretty well over all. Some fatigue and anxiety, but otherwise my health is pretty good. (knock on wood)

Tonight i'm going to an Ostara ritual/party with my bestest friend Nancy. There will be a big bonfire, which I look forward to the most.

The hosts of the party just adopted two kittens! I can't wait to meet them and hopefully have some play time. Theres nothing like kittens to make you laugh and entertain you.

I just took out two chocolate pies that I made to bring to the party, its my moms' recipe that i love!

I hope where ever you all are, you are enjoying Spring as it makes its way here!

Timing

As I write this there is a big snow storm out my window, what we call up here in the North East, a Nor-easter. I am grateful for the power that is still on and especially the heat coming through the vents. My cat Stewie and I are toasty warm.

Lately I've felt like the big C is all around me. I've met with two friends who are both dealing with their tumor numbers going up, meaning things aren't so great right now. Changes have to be made with their treatment.

I also got the very sad news that a cancer warrior died last Sunday. She was quite the cancer survivor. She had a rare type of sarcoma cancer that she had for over 16 years! If you had any questions about sarcomas and most questions about treatment or cancer related questions, she was the woman to go to. Kathy, I hope you are on the other side free of pain and in peace. I'm sure you are helping so many people right now in your own way. I send out my condolences to Kathys' family who have to put the pieces of grief together and try to make sense of it all.

I went to the Cancer Community Center on Saturday for Buddy Training. I am officially now a Cancer Buddy! I had a Buddy when I went through my treatments and it was very helpful. I am so grateful for Becky! I hope I can help someone who may just need an ear to listen or a few kind words of encouragement.

A wonderful woman whom i've got to know through my dear friend Nancy, just got diagnosed with breast cancer recently. She is in her 40's and lives alone. It brought back so much for me, to that day of when I was so overwhelmed with having to make many life changing decisions. I hope I can be of some help to her as well.

Timing is interesting. I go months without any real bad news on the cancer front, then BAM!, there is a whole lot going on.

I am also having a mammogram tomorrow and seeing my Oncologist and breast surgeon. I'm not too worried about the results but of course I'm not at total ease either. There's always the chance that they will find something. I have to believe that the timing of whats going on around me is a sign that I am here to help and not going to be on the other side again.

I want to give back. Its time to focus on helping and not receiving as much.

So, I'm going to make myself a cup of tea and look out at the storm brewing all around me. Knowing I am safe and sound and I am lucky!

Acceptance

Sorry for the delay in writing.

I'm not feeling inspired to write too much at the moment.

Lately I've been trying to find acceptance with my situation and where I'm at.

That's been challenging.

I met with a good friend yesterday for lunch, she is also a cancer survivor.

One thing we discussed is how other survivors have mentioned how things will never ever go back to where they were before the big C. Its something that changes you in some way that can't be explained.

Maybe it's the facing of death so possibly near?

Maybe it's the poison flooded through veins that changes you?

Who really knows for sure

I've been dealing with frustration of wanting things to go back to the way they were years ago, when I could work several jobs and go out late at night.

Lately I've been dealing with major fatigue and am usually in bed by 10pm.

Tomorrow night I'm going bowling with a friend. Theres a lot of people meeting at the alley who are survivors. The Cancer Community Center is hosting the event for the young survivors ages 18-45 or so. The problem for me is that is starts at 10pm, thats right...starts at 10pm!

I just hope I can make it. I really want to go and have been looking forward to a possible bowling night with the group.

I'm sure my friend who is coming up from NH will keep me awake and we'll get there no problem.

It's just frustrating when I have to think and wonder about this.

I want my energy back, I want a piece of me that I feel I've lost with cancer, I want it back damnit!

I know I have lots to be grateful for, and I do try to remember that. I'm human and have frustrations and challenges too.

Right now it is taking all the energy I have to get out of bed each day and face each small challenge that comes my way.

I know I'll get through it all.

Faith is hard to see at the moment.

2 Years

Hello Cyber Folks

January 26th marked 2 years since I heard those dreaded words "You have cancer".

On the one year anniversary I got a wonderful tattoo from my old friend Erick who co-owns a great tattoo shop in Cambridge, MA called Redemption Tattoo, I highly recommend getting inked there.

This year I didn't even remember the day.

To be honest, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of cancer in some way, so missing the actual day I was diagnosed doesn't seem all that big of a deal.

It seems like many many years since I was in treatment for the beast, but its only been 2 years.

I have learned quite a bit about myself and way too much about cancer, more than I really wanted to know.

Lately, I've been struggling with the other "beast" called depression. This time of year is very challenging. I don't get out much due to the weather and icy sidewalks, not much power walking had. Cancer has taken a back seat and that's o.k. with me.

I'd just like depression to take a seat in the nose bleed section for a while, but for now its staring at me from the front row.

The last week or so i've been waking up and saying "i'm still here, i guess theres a reason for that".

I'm working on trying to be grateful for all that I have, but some days it's extremely challenging.

I'm still here, I dont know why, but I am.

Maybe I don't need to figure it all out right now?

What Would You Do?

Recently there has been discussions of whether or not President Obama needs to charge the Bush Administration with crimes committed while in office.

I have a point of view that people may or may not agree with and that's o.k., but I felt I wanted to share my opinion today with you.

Imagine there is a huge room with four corners in it. Each corner has a small helpless baby crying. One baby is called Environment, One baby is called Economy, One baby is called Health Care System, and the last baby is called Education. There are also lots of other babies crawling around the room and not very happy. Each of the four babies in the corners are neglected and have been upset for a long time. Each one needs attention. The cause of their neglect and upset is a toddler that reeked havoc. He is responsible for upsetting the babies and causing so much trouble. The toddler is now out of the room and can't do any more harm.

My belief is that the toddler needs to be punished or taught that what he did was not ok, and action needs to be taken. However, the babies are screaming their lungs out and in need of immediate attention. Do we focus on punishing the toddler and use much needed resources to do so? Or, do we look at the pressing needs in this moment?

I believe we need to take care of what is most important right now. The toddler is not going to go unpunished, but it doesnt have to be today. He can't do anymore harm.

Let us focus on repairing the damage done right now and deal with the unruly toddlers tomorrow.

Thats my opinion.

President Obama!

I just LOVE typing that title!

Today is a day of hope, change, history making ....and about time!

History has finally come around full circle.

Slaves had built the White House and now a black man is going to be the leader living in the White House! It's such a wonderful thing!

More than just being a black man, Obama seems to be a man who is many things. I could list them all but unless you've been living in a cave, you know what he's about. We don't really know Obama, not like his family does, but we do know how he speaks in public, the messages he has conveyed to us all. We see him with his wife and children, we see his human side. I don't see any hostility or inflated ego as with G.W. Bush.

I can finally be proud to be an American and that feels amazing!

Thank you Barack H. Obama!

Jet Lag

Hi Everyone, i'm back in the States again....

As the title suggests, i'm experiencing some jet lag.

"Jet lag, also jetlag or jet-lag, is a physiological condition which is a consequence of alterations to circadian rhythms; it is classified as one of the circadian rhythm sleep disorders. Jet lag results from rapid transmeridian travel, as on a jet plane.

The condition of jet lag may last many days, and a recovery rate of "one day per time zone" is often mentioned as a fair guideline."

Last time I traveled to the UK, it took me about a week to feel like I was back in my body again.

I'm hoping it will be less time this go round.

I tend to get a bit whiny and depressed until I am myself again, so i'll try not to complain too much.

My trip was wonderful and filled with lots of interesting adventures.

Mostly visiting with my friends' family. If I had to pick one moment of fun i'd have to say Games' Night. The English love to play games and I made sure that I was included in some game playing.

My favorite one to play is a game called Articulate. Its similar to some American games where you have to describe to your partner the subject given to you depending on what category you land on. The Person category was not my favorite due to having mostly British people to guess or explain.

One night we got to go to London for a surprise event that my friend Dan had arranged as everyones' Christmas present. We had a lovely meal that we had cooked hours before, including Lamb shoulders with many roasted veggies, then some champagne followed by a stretch limo bringing us to London. There were 11 of us. The surprise event was a show involving a stand up comedian named Bill Bailey. He is well known in the UK. Very funny chap.

Apparently John Cleese was in attendance as well, though I never set eyes on him. When Bill Bailey mentioned Obama I couldnt help myself from shouting out. He heard me and made some comments on my lack of volume. He heckled me back. Very funny.

One special moment was when I was included in the scattering of Dans' mums' ashes around a beautiful tree in one of my favorite parks, called Bushey Park. It was a cold morning. Seven of us walked to the tree that Dans' step dad and Dans' mum used to sit under to gaze at the river and wildlife. I was extremely honored to be there and be a part of this ritual. Emotions took over more than I had imagined they would. It was a last minute change of plans. I believe things work out the way they are supposed to. The people that ended up scattering Annies' ashes were the exact people who were present at her passing.

We went for breakfast afterwards at a cafe Annie liked to go to. I got to have my Full English Breakfast which is basically a heart attack waiting to happen. Boy is it good though. There is one fried egg, ham, sausage, beans, mushrooms, grilled tomato, and toast, yum yum!

I drank so much tea on my trip over but what I loved to have was a Shandy. I like the Bitter Shandys the best. I only had 3 on my whole trip. Its basically beer with a lemonade mixture. Its not like our lemonade. Its a syrupy lemon/lime concoction added to beer. That may sound gross but its actually really refreshing.

I will write more about my trip soon.....part two to come.....back to napping and getting grounded in my body....

cheers all!