Saturday, September 6, 2008

Shift in a nano second


My brother has been speaking with me about writing. He is currently writing some personal stories and thoughts. I decided to pick up one of my favorite books on writing called "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott.

I had started a novel a few years back, hand written and now lost. I wonder if I wasn't supposed to finish it, just move on to something else? That was just a first draft of better things to come.

I read the Writers Almanac from NPR every morning and todays excerpt is especially moving for me.

It got me thinking of how emotions can shift in a nano second.

Reading a moving poem, seeing a piece of art, hearing a lovely piece of music, smelling a familiar scent.

Our senses are powerful tools to conjure up emotions and memories.

I was especially upset last night when my neighbors decided to have a party starting at 10pm. By 2am I had had enough. I had been so calm and enjoying my novel on writing when it all shifted to anxiety and anger. I went through all the thoughts of what I wanted to do or what could I do to alleviate my negative emotions and thoughts.

In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy they talk of "wise mind", where you are not in your emotional state and not in the reasonable state but in the middle. Where you can see what is really going on and not reacting to situations, standing back and seeing the situation for what it truly is. Thats challenging when you have sounds and thoughts coming at you at a fast pace. It took me a few hours but I got there. I saw the situation for what it was and was able to relax back to sleep.

Next time i'm hoping I can come to that place in less time.

Retraining the brain takes time and patience.

Monday, September 1, 2008

A Year Goes By So Fast!


August 26, 2007 I posted my first blog here!

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since that first day.

I wasn't sure I would blog much at all. I was thinking I would just stop posting after my radiation treatments were over.

This blog has been very helpful for me to express my feelings and thoughts about my journey.

I truly appreciate all comments given to me, thank you!

The beautiful weather has finally arrived in Maine! The kind of weather that people flock here every summer for. July and part of August were very wet and cool but this last week has been perfect!

I still haven't reached my goal of camping out, but I haven't given up quite yet.

I DID get to spend some wonderful time with my brother, his girlfriend, and my adorable nephews this past week. My brother and his girlfriend went off camping and adventuring while his sons stayed with the grandparents. I was able to spend some one on one time with each of the boys. Really great!

I took the oldest boy to Fun Town. I was hoping to ride some fun rides but he wasn't into most of them. He loves the games the best. I think his favorite thing was to throw the baseball at a target that can tell you how fast the ball was thrown. He has quite the arm on him for a ten year old. The highest speed he threw was 42mph. Even the girl running the game said he should go pro. My nephew was all smiles, so proud of himself.

I loved watching him on the bumper cars. I can't do the bumper cars, too much for me, but I loved watching him drive around and smiling, having fun.

He also loved driving the big antique cars that ride on a track but you can still steer them a bit and use the gas pedal. I sat in the back and he was so happy. The third time he drove the car he insisted going alone.

Four hours later in the blistering heat I had had enough. I had wished my nephew had wanted to go to the water slides too but he said to me "I don't feel like getting wet today".....

shoot....I was looking forward to whizzing down those fast tubes of water.

next year perhaps.

I also got to take my 6 year old nephew alone to the playground. We had a blast. He told me stories as we ate our "fake" macaroni and cheese dinner, played whiffle ball with a cute little girl named Faith. They both made me run quite a bit after that ball. Quite the hitters they were!

I took my oldest nephew to a skateboard park where he could try out his new skateboard and gear that grandma and grandpa got him for his birthday. He was a bit embarrassed at first because all the boys there were much older and didn't have a helmet or elbow pads on. He said he felt funny or embarrassed. Finally he got out there and tried the course out.

I posted a picture of him trying to balance and not fall. So cute if I don't say so myself, proud aunt that I am!

I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with my brother as well.

Good times all around, even did some dancing friday night!

Today is a day of rest for the most part, it IS labor day after all!

Thanks for sticking with me after a year of posting, here's hoping I make it to another year!

Blessed Be to ALL!