Thursday, December 20, 2012

Thoughts......

Hi ya'll

I have a lot of things on my mind and thought I'd write a bit tonight.

My last post caused some anger. That was not my intention but I understand why to a point.

I'm sad.

I know now that I should prepare for more disagreement about my beliefs.

This country is supposed to be about accepting ALL people no matter their religion or race.

What happened to change all that? I feel like it's related to what is happening with my belief. Opinions. Separation of Church and State. Also, compassion for our fellow human beings. Do you really think Jesus would want us to suffer so much at our death? I don't believe it. I don't believe God or Goddess or Buddha or Allah, or ......etc...etc.....believe we need to suffer when we die. Sure some discomfort and sometimes not painful at death but to suffer for months at end with no functions? A body just slowly wasting away? No, don't believe that is true. I believe in a compassionate Universal Energy/Life Force. We don't let our pets suffer but we will let our fellow human beings/family suffer? Don't agree.

I'm sad also because my friend Dan had to go to a hotel room due to being sick. We're hoping that I didn't already catch what he has. I'm trying not to worry too much and focus on the positive.

Clarification as well......

I want to let you all know that I do NOT have a plan to end my life early. There isn't a law to allow me to where I live. The documentary would hopefully help pass the law in my state and in other states.

The idea that me, little ole me, could have an affect in that way is so humbling. Wow! I almost started crying today when I met with a couple who make wonderful films together. They were complimenting me so much it was hard to hear. Maybe I find it foreign? The focus is on ME. Thats intense.

So, lately I'm filled with sadness, grief over things I'm unable to do lately, anger, gratitude, love, joy, ....quite a mix.

I think the holidays are just hard all around, so maybe thats why the roller coaster of emotions is in motion.

I will be glad to have the holidays behind me, mostly. Quiet visiting time, inward time, Kapha time, ....when everything is going into hibernation or dying. Thats my speed right now. Slow.

I would love to read some comments to know who is reading this. Hint, hint, hint.....

Peace and Love

:)



Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Documentary

Hi ya'll

Busy busy busy time of year huh? WOW! I have been wanting to write sooner but too much running around has exhausted me.

I finally took a day off. My dear friend Dan is here from England and he's currently sleeping. Jet lag is rough sometimes.

I have been bubbling with excitement about a possible documentary that may be born soon!

I watched a documentary called "How to Die in Oregon" that really moved me, touched a deep place. I was also very fired up and wanting to get involved in some way if at all possible. I sent out an email to lots of peeps I know asking if they knew of any local Doc Film makers who I could speak with.....

So, right away I got two names. I have met with one woman and her boyfriend who does some of the cinematography and they are wonderful! I will also meet with another woman film maker and her husband who is also a cinematographer on Thursday. I will have to make a tough decision this coming weekend. I'm sure sitting with the choice and meditating on it, will bring me to the right decision for me and this project.

Whats the project you ask?

Well, let me tell you. :)

The documentary I mentioned above is mainly focused on the law that was passed in Oregon in 1994 called the "Death with Dignity Act". Basically the film showed a few people who mostly decided to use the law to their favor. There is one woman whom I especially related to in some ways. She was in her 50's, with a husband and two children. She had fought for her life earlier and was in a coma for a bit, was in severe pain, did all the treatment suggested and so forth. Then later on her cancer came back. She decided, as I did, to not go thru all that chemo and other drugs again. The percentage of remission was so small and so forth.

So, what the law states if I am just learning from the film, don't quote me, is that a local company/organization/group comes to your house, does a bunch of interviews, signs papers, sees if the person even qualifies and so forth. Then after that, a doctor will write a prescription for some drugs that when mixed with water and drunk, the person will go into a sort of coma and then drift away and die. The organization also comes into the home right before the drugs are taken and the person is asked once again if this is the choice they want to make and that they don't have to etc....

The person who wants to drink the drink, does so themselves. Its not a Kevorkian method where the doctor injects the person.

There is currently no law in the state of Maine to allow this humane (in my opinion) process to occur legally. Infuriates me!

We will allow our pets and other animals get "put down" to put them out of their misery and so forth, but we can't allow humans to make the same choice for themselves? Suffering and horrible quality of life is a huge issue that needs to be out there more.

Thats where I come in.

So far it seems both film makers I will meet with, agree that there is a story here. Filming me at my young-ish age, :), going thru what I am and how already my quality of life is going down hill. I certainly would NOT take the drink now. I feel I have pretty good quality of life and am not ready to go yet.

I am grieving the activities I am not able to do anymore and thats been challenging to accept.

I can't get/buy anything out in the world without someone elses' help. I can't walk around the block without being extremely out of breath etc.... you get the idea. But still I'm not suffering too much and can still do plenty.

I want to show the "other side" of the story to people, and show them why I would want this law passed. Maybe interviews with my family and friends would show people that this affects everyone who is involved in my life, in some way.

I will stop here, I know its getting to be a novel, lol.....

I will update you all on what decision I come to and what is next. We could start filming next week!
Yikes!! Exciting and scary all at once.!

But maybe, just maybe.....my story can help others in the future....wow! ! That would make me smile from the other side with so much JOY!!

Blessings to all of you and remember to love one another