Thursday, October 1, 2009

Been A Long Time

I have that Led Zeppelin song in my head now...

So, I don't know if anyone is even checking my blog anymore but thought I'd write anyway.

There has been a lot going on but for some reason I haven't felt inspired to talk about it.

There has been camping at music festivals, visiting with friends and family and mostly just trying to stay afloat.

Major computer issues that have mostly been fixed, put me into a panic state for a while.

How can one feel pretty good one minute then something seemingly insignificant happens and all hell breaks loose?

I know of a couple of people who are having a really rough time in treatment. It's hard to witness and not be able to fix or help in some way. All I can offer is an ear.

When I was in treatment that was mostly what helped me the most. Someone to just listen. Not fix or judge, just listen.

I met a new survivor the other day. She's young. I'm guessing in her 20's. I gave her my email. She expressed that her "buddy" isn't really compatible with her. I'm really hoping she contacts me and I can be of some help. She had just had her first chemo and her energy and expression reminded me of ME when I was in the beginning of the cancer journey. Its a bit like a deer in headlights. You go through the motions and sometimes it feels like sleep walking through a nightmare.

I would love to be more social but it's hard when I feel I don't have much positive to say and not much to tell people of what I've been up to. So, why put myself in that uncomfortable situation?

I'm working on my inner self now and that's not always acceptable in our society. Its a lot of "what do you do?'s" and "what have you been up to?"'s.

Since I'm not currently in treatment I think its' hard for some people to understand why i'm not working now.

One woman whom I haven't seen in months and months, who also went through cancer treatment said to me..."I wish I didn't have to work". (strong emphasis on the I), A bit sarcastic and judgmental. I wish I could explain to her that it's not a walk in the park. I am not just sitting around and doing nothing. Not having fun or living it up. No.

I had an interesting experience with a baby Ram the other day. I used my massage therapy skills and gave him a neck and face massage while visiting him at this farm I camped out at. He was so blissed out he almost fell over. His eyes closed to slits, head falling to one side, smile on his face. What a great experience to have. So sweet. I wish he lived closer so I could visit him again soon. Animal therapy can be so powerful. Animals are so responsive and open to love.

Just put one foot in front of the other......

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