Monday, June 9, 2008

Patience and Tolerance

I woke up this morning to a sticky humid day. We're supposed to have high heat and humidity until at least wednesday.

I fed my cat Stewie and then he wanted to play with his gold bow, the kind you put on christmas presents, he loves his bow so much!

As most of you know I adopted Stewie about two weeks before I found my dreaded lump. I feel he came to me at the right time for the right reasons. Comfort, Love, Healing.

When I adopted him he was very scared and had been traumatized. I wasn't sure I could find the patience to wait and see if he could relax and be the cat I so needed in my life. It was a challenge to wait it out. Some days I wanted to bring him back to the shelter and tell them it wasnt going to work out. Something told me to just wait, breathe, be patient, he'll come around. This wasn't about ME, it was about what Stewie needed.

He used to growl and hiss at me, stay under my bed all day. I began to take it personally like he was reflecting my emotions back at me. I was somehow causing all this drama.

After about 2 weeks and when I found the lump he started to come around. I didn't get the lump checked right away. It was Thanksgiving and then Christmas, I didn't have time to worry. I would see my new OBGYN in January. Now I realize I should have gotten it checked out immediately. Lesson learned.

Stewie started to trust me. He would sit on my lap for about 5 seconds. Then he would let me pet him for more than a second. Eventually he even allowed me to pick him up. Every time some new goal was met i'd tell my friend Nancy about it. We would celebrate and feel the joy of a cats love and trust. It became a challenge for me. What could I do next? What would Stewie allow me to do?

Now he sits on my lap for quite a while. He especially loves to sit there if I have a certain pair of jeans on. I'm thinking of making a cat bed out of jean material. He's got his quirks and attitude and still gets nervous when I do certain things.

I was patient with him and earned his trust and in turn has given me so much love.

This morning I realized that he still has his issues but don't we all?

He came with terror and sorrow and all the baggage of a soul being traumatized. He also came with asthma. When we played this morning he could only play for so long before his lungs got overworked and he had to rest. He has limits and thats ok. We can work with that.

I realize that we all have limits, we all have boundaries.

Sometimes I think that I have so much baggage or issues that I wonder if anyone can find the patience to deal with me?

My true friends and family have stuck by me through all the drama and terror and sadness. They have showed patience and trust that I just do things differently. I am going forward at a steady pace. It may not be as fast as people may want me to go, but I'm still going, at my own rate, not anyone elses.

Just like Stewie, I have to do what feels right for me.

I am making progress even if it seems like i'm not.

The people in my life that can't understand or want to change that? I can't help that or make them change their view. All I can do is be true to myself and move forward, even if its at a snails pace. I'll get there eventually, even if I trip along the way.

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