Snowflakes Are Falling On My Head

Hi ya'll

I'm still sick.

So tired of being sick. It's a waiting game.

I ventured out to get a small Christmas tree, fake one this year, and took some pics. Stewie loves to sit under the tree.

The snow is falling outside, luckily not on my head. I was supposed to go to my Oncologist today. I don't have a car and with me being sick and all I thought better of it. Don't want to get even more sick or delay my getting well.

I'm going to London for New Years! I'm very excited!

Every year my friend from London and I go somewhere for New Years. This will be our 9th year!

I HAVE to be well for my trip! I am determined and stubborn!

Cold cold go away! Come again some other day! Or year! :)

Hope you all are staying warm and toasty!

Sick :(

I've been sick for almost a week now and i'm going stir crazy! It stared out as a sore throat and then progressed to my sinuses and now my lungs. fun times!

Here's a link I hope you can check out! I had fun doing this one! I believe you'll have to copy and paste the link...sorry, i'm still learning how to add things to my blog. I've got foggy brain today.

I wish I was in a snow mans' outfit instead but oh well. its still fun!

http://www.dancingsantacard.com/?santa=199398

Dancing Tonight!

I am going to see a show tonight to see one of my favorite musicians, Mike Doughty!

I'm looking forward to dancing and having a great time!

My physical issues can take a back seat for now.

It's nice to have an escape from reality once in a while.

Let's hope my physical issues won't get in the way tonight, I want to live in the moment and have a good time.

Fingers' crossed!

Physical pain getting in the way

So, i've been experiencing some physical aches and pains recently that seem to be getting worse and worse. I woke up this morning barely able to make a fist with either of my hands, this has been going on for a few weeks now. Most of my muscles and joints are achy. It could be the Femara drug that i'm taking, but of course I immediately think " its back!".

My body has recently become weaker as well. It reminds me of when I was in treatment. Every move seems challenging. I'm not able to move as quickly as I have been able to in recent past. I was walking my friends' dog and we usually jog a bit to get him tired out so he won't pull me quite so much and my body just couldn't do it for long or very well.

I woke up this morning and it really hit me. What next? If i go off the Femara there is only one other drug in the class of 3 available and if that doesnt work then i'm offered Tamoxifen which I really don't want to take. I know thousands of women who take it with huge success but my body is resisting it.

Other drugs that i'm currently taking are also pooping out or have awful side effects. I'm running out of options there too.

It all just makes me want to throw my hands up and crawl into bed for the winter. why can't we hibernate like the bears do?

Then i came across this video a little while ago and it cheered me up, i hope i was able to post it here. I LOVE Ani Difranco and seeing her LIVE is quite the experience if you ever have a chance, go see her!

enjoy and peace out,.... i'm going to go hide my head for a while but i'll be back out before Spring, no worries!

Todays Poem on the Writers' Almanac

Purgatory Is Nearer in November

by Josephine Jacobsen

November is beautiful as the word sounds, is gray, is bare,
Is compact of wind, of leaves blown and the thin, tall rain;
Brought back to our care are the dead in November,
and the air of these days is charged with their pain.

For these are not the free dead, not the remote, bright crowd
Of our picture-book, or our image of nebulous heaven:
These are caught, tangled in a web comfortless as a shroud—
These have not familiar place, nor flight, nor oblivion, even.

They have not escaped yet-they are close in the clouds massing
together;
At the cold first drop you will stare on the dark ground and remember.
They are the accent of autumn, they are the source of the tone of this
weather.
The heart is reached by the waiting dead, in their month, in November.

"Purgatory Is Nearer in November" by Josephine Jacobsen, from Contents of a Minute. © Sarabande Books, 2008.

Blah Day

I have once again been hesitant to post due to not being in a very good space, but here we go....

I believe it's this time of year that gets me down. There always seems to be a lot of death and illness all around. Maybe that's why having holidays distracts us from all the sadness?

The last few weeks have certainly been a challenging one for me.

I really am trying to keep a positive spirit but lately that little engine that could is losing the battle, burning it's wheels trying to make it to the top of that mountain.

Today is the actual burial of my good friends' mom. Her ashes will be buried along with her cats' ashes today at 11am. Its a rainy blustery day here and seems fitting for a burial.

I hurt my shoulder, recently, raking leaves at my moms' house. I totally overdid it. I raked for over 5 hours straight! What was I thinking? I wasn't. Now I am dealing with the repercussions.
A shoulder that has bursitis and sore muscles all around. My Osteopath just shook her head in disbelief when I told her of my latest injury. I then got very sad and disappointed in myself for one...not listening to my body when it told me to stop or slow down, and two....that I am not at the same place physically as I was 2 years ago or so. I am still regaining my strength and recovering from some pretty damn intense treatment.

I just get frustrated sometimes and that leads to depression of sorts.

I am feeling better today but this weather is making it hard to find that extra bit of energy to keep moving forward.

This is also a lonely time of year. It's been quite some time since I've been on a date or been dating someone.

It's like when babies are left alone too long they get sick and crave that touch. Humans need that physical touch, that love and caring, just to survive.

I'm feeling like that baby sitting alone in the dark, just crying out for some love and for someone to just hold me.

So, theres my sad post for today.

I am doing ok, even if it seems i'm not. I just have some sadness around me at the moment. I'm sure i'll be back to my hopeful self soon.

Todays' News

I'm very happy with this recent news!

Boston Globe said..."WASHINGTON — Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided to give up her Senate seat and accept the position of secretary of state"