Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Back to Reality

Well, i've had quite the week of celebrating.

My friend from London and I spent the week running around town and then up the coast for my birthday on wednesday. We went the long way so we could see the rainbow of leaves that are now at their peak of color.

My friend had rented a red mustang convertible, so of course we had the top down most of the way.

We ended up in Bar Harbor and spent the night at a gorgeous Inn on the ocean. We had an amazing meal with expensive champagne! I haven't eaten that much in months! It was worse than thanksgiving as far as the fullness factor went, but well worth it! I had wanted to go out dancing afterwards but couldn't manage it. I think my friend was content with not going anyway. He's not much into dancing.

I got my fix however. I got to go out dancing on friday night. Some friends went out with me to let it all loose on the disco lit dance floor. I had a blast!

I've noticed the last couple of days that my jeans are barely fitting me. I've eaten way too much this week. A bit glutenous.

Its back to reality. Back to eating a bit better and walking more. I don't have the fancy car to drive me around anymore. Just as well, I need the exercise.

I saw a pretty good movie today with an amazing woman who is a survivor as well. It was about an inventor who had his idea stolen by a huge car manufacturer. It was really about how he didn't give up even with all the temptations. He stuck to his morals and persevered through many obstacles. He did end up losing some valuable time and relationships in the process. His efforts have helped so many. Was his sacrifice worth it? That question has been on my mind.

Do you keep on moving forward with your decisions even if it hurts people you love? When is sacrifice worth it?

Is there a path for all of us to take? A path that maybe our souls have chosen before we were born? A path that if we take on leads us to heartache but possibly a necessary choice?

Who's to say?

Was my cancer part of my chosen path, or do things really just happen to us randomly?

When inventors or scientists spend years and years of their life devoted to finding the solution, or the cure, is it worth it in the end?

I'd have to say yes, if its a cure for cancer, an invention to help others in the future.

But then again i'm not the inventor or the scientist who is sacrificing their lives. There are also the monks who spend their whole lives in prayer. The peace corps volunteers who live to help others. The military soldiers.....the list goes on.

This is when I wonder if i'm on the right path.

Am I doing enough to help others? Am I on the right path?

The guilt can sink in when i'm out celebrating my birthday, eating way too much, dancing the night away.

There has to be joy and love in the world too. Its o.k. that I celebrate and love life. I can balance both responsibility and fun can't I?

I do hope that after I'm gone from this world that I have left some kind of footprint, some kind of evidence that I did do some good for others, that I did follow the path I was meant to.

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