Saturday, January 23, 2010
Winter in Maine
January is a challenging month in Maine.
Winter is definitely upon us. If its not snowing its frigid cold temperatures.
The light is starting to come back but not fast enough for me. Combine all those things and more and it becomes tough.
Then lets add in the devastating situation in Haiti. I am trying not to watch the news too much. It is overwhelming. I tend to soak it all in and become a bit paralyzed with sadness and grief. I wish I was in a position to go help out somehow. I don't have any money to give and don't have the physical strength to do much. It's that helpless feeling.
It seems like most people I know are going through something....sickness, death, money problems....it goes on.
I'm going to have to move from my apartment soon. My living situation isn't good. I have a neighbor who is being very difficult and disrespectful to the point where I've had enough. I'm working on my 4th year here and have had to deal with her. For the most part I've been able to be friendly with her and tolerate her paranoia and hostility, but now she's directing it towards me. It's not a healthy environment for me in every way possible.
I am not sure how i'm going to afford to move or whether my landlord will let me out of my lease early etc....I've got to do something. The energy of my place isn't good anyway, and I need more light and space. Change could be good. Its just not the best time to be moving. Winter in Maine.
I'm also starting a writing class soon. It's more of a therapy-type-group. I have to pay a deductible towards it and do some volunteer work for the rest that my insurance won't cover. I'm sure I'll look back at this time and realize it was a good thing but right now I'm in the midst of the chaos and it feels very unhealthy.
I know there is so much I should be grateful for but it's hard to see that at the moment. I'm really trying to look at the positive.
Maybe I need to start playing the lottery?
Most days lately I wake up and wonder what the point is of my life. Why do things like Haiti and Sudan and so on and so forth, happen? Wrapping my head around it all is too much at times.