Sunday, February 7, 2010


I woke up this morning remembering a friend who I recently found out has passed.

Her name was Linda and she was an amazing woman. Her husband called me a few days ago. I think he must have gotten a message from Lindas' coworkers that I had emailed her wondering how she was doing. It had been since November that I had seen or heard from her. We would go months without contact then we'd have lunch and it was like no time had passed between us.

Linda passed about a month after we had had lunch. I had no idea. Lindas' husband said that her service was overflowing with over 400 people. I wish I could have gone and I really wish I had been able to say goodbye to her and let her know how much she meant to me.

I first met Linda when I was newly diagnosed with breast cancer. I was struggling with the decision as to whether or not to get genetic testing. A woman from the Cancer Community Center had connected us. Linda had first been diagnosed with the same exact cancer as I had and had been cancer free for 15-20 years? From our first conversation we hit it off. She was extremely supportive and inspirational. Her cancer came back in her bones and she went a few years keeping "it" at bay but the damn C took over.

We had lunch many times. Sometimes we would just sit in her car by the ocean and talk. One time we talked for over 2 hours. I felt like she really got what I was going through. She listened and didn't judge or try to fix it. We laughed about silly things and I felt so comfortable with her.

She affected so many peoples' lives.

There is a brochure that comes out every year at the Cancer Community Center and every year they have different peoples' pictures in it. People who are or were dealing with the big C. I was asked if I could be one of those people. I later found out I was on the cover! Linda laughed and said we were "cover girls" because the year before she was on the cover too. Linda took me to the program at the center that gives you free makeup and teaches you how to draw on eyebrows and put on makeup so you don't look overly made up. Its a great program called Look Good, Feel Better. She had already been to it years before but she took me anyway. It really meant a lot to me. We laughed as we put on our makeup and tried to not look like clowns.

I'm going to really miss Linda so much.

I have another friend who isn't doing so well right now. She is in a lot of pain and has lost a lot of weight. I hate to see her suffering. She has been and is still a huge support for me. A great friend. I wish I could do something to help.

I have another friend who had a major brain aneurysm and is in rehab. She is only 42 years old but she is a fighter. She is making huge strides. I went to visit her the other day and brought her a tulip.

Sometimes the pain of others is so overwhelming. I am really trying to look at the beautiful things in the world and appreciate what I have. Be grateful. Today however....I'm sad and I'm finding it hard to not feel the pain and grief.

I'm moving at the end of the month and I'm mostly excited about it. There are so many details to figure out and worries to overcome.

I suppose I'm just feeling overwhelmed this morning.

It will pass I'm sure.

I just wanted to express my feelings about my sadness this morning.

I AM very lucky in many many ways....I'm also very sad today.


Starcat said...

So sorry to hear about your sad news. Big hugs to you!

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Marika said...

Thank you for sharing - I've had a lot of Linda's in my life, and I'm a better person for it. :) I enjoy your perspective (and blog!).

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

This post fit in great with the theme for Friday's Guest Posts at Being Cancer Network. I plan to publish it tomorrow around noon. I will include two links to your site as well as a link to the original post. You should see an increase in traffic to your site. Please continue to great writing.
Take care, Dennis

PS I see from the bogus marijuana comment that you might need to include a CAPCHA plugin on your blog. I think Blogger has one available.

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Yoga Unites for Living Beyond Breast Cancer said...

You have every right to feel overwhelmed and's hard when the ones we love go through such struggles. That's why we hold events like Yoga Unites for Living Beyond Breast Cancer--to honor those we love. Thank you for sharing these thoughts.