Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Death and Rebirth

This time of year is about the rebirth of plants, animals and the sun being higher in the sky for a longer period of time. It's also a letting go time. Letting go of past regrets and starting fresh, a time of putting into action what has been "hibernating" all winter. Ideas and plans put into place and starting to move forward.

I'm noticing so many changes lately. I recently moved into a new apartment. In doing so I've purged a lot of material things that I don't use anymore and have no use for now. It feels really good to let go of things.

There is also some death. My friend Linda as I mentioned in my last post and now my friend Eve. She passed away on February 25th in NYC. I got to see her in Maine before she left for the city. I held back tears when I saw her. She had lost so much weight and was in pain. She was able to walk around and be active. For Eve, however, it was a huge set back.

I had wanted to go to NYC and see her before she died but wasn't able to and her husband politely encouraged me not to. It just wore Eve out too much to have visitors and it just didn't make sense to push her.

This past Sunday there was a memorial gathering at her home in Maine for all the Maine friends and family to pay their respects. The house was overflowing with I'd say about 100 people going in and out. Eve touched so many lives for so many years.

She was a big sister and was very active with play writing and acting and so much I don't even know about.

What I do know is how much of an impact Eve had on my life. She listened without judgment and asked questions that drew out emotions and personal details of my life. It always made me feel better to talk with Eve. We laughed a lot too. We were able to joke about our cancer experiences and side effects. I think Eve felt she could complain about her discomfort to me and it was o.k. I wasn't going to try and fix it or tell her to just be positive. Sometimes you just need to complain to someone who gets it.

I would get these thoughtful and joyful cards hand written to me from Eve. I felt guilty for not writing back as much as I wanted to. I looked forward to her cards and even received one a couple of days before she died. I could tell she was struggling but she kept busy till the end.

We played Bingo at the Cancer Community Center and made May baskets and crafty things that Eve doesnt usually like to do but humored me. We just wanted to hang out and so we did silly things together. I'll never forget it.

Eve was a fireball of energy but she also could just be quiet and listen.

I will miss her and love her so much and can't believe I won't see her again in this lifetime. Not getting her emails or letters or meeting for lunch. I wish I had had more time to get to know Eve.

Its a time to let go of people and things and regrets...look forward, but never forget the good times or the wonderful people who affect and transform our lives.

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