Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Morning Everyone

Had a few rough days.

Hospice Social Worker came over yesterday and also my BFF Nancy came too to ask questions.

It was a very eye opening, emotionally overwhelming meeting.

I also had an amazing launch meeting of eHope. Lots of my wonderful friends and family came to support me and sign up to help in any way they are able to. I am still processing what was said and the love that I felt. Beautiful! I'll always be grateful for the love that was expressed to me that day!

Yesterday, the social worker said that I will need 24 hour care from friends/family at some point or else I'll have to go to a nursing home. I think I mentioned that in a previous post.

So, we're trying to figure out a way to let me stay at home as long as I can. Hopefully till the "end".

I want to put on the brakes now and say...."what a minute! not ready for this stage yet!"

I do think I have some more time but things need to be said and put out there, my needs and wishes. Also to prepare some things.

Nancy and I put her on my bank account so she can close it out when I die and the account won't go to probate or what have you. I am on disability so there isn't much to get at. Every little bit helps however.

I don't have life insurance or any savings so there isn't going to be a funeral. I am ok with that but I know that some family members won't be ok with this decision.

I don't want to burden anyone with funeral costs and so forth. Plus my idea for years now was to help science in any way possible with a body I won't be in after I die.

I'm looking into donating my body to medical students at UNE or Harvard has a brain study program for depression and since I've struggled with depression most of my life that may be one way to contribute.

The bonus part is that I don't have to pay for cremation or any of it. I AM however looking into having the cremation done at an eco-friendly crematorium. Did you know that cremation adds a major footprint to global warming? It does. There is one green cremation place in Maine that I'm hoping to be sent to.

So...thats just one subject we were discussing yesterday.

You can imagine how surreal it may seem to me? It was and is.

I was pretty stressed out yesterday and emotional.

I SO want my window of time!!! damnit!

ok.....breathing now

My focus today is to be in the moment and do the best I can do today. I am going to try and think positively and not stress or worry too much.

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming......


Humidx said...

Sending you love. If I lived closer, I would move in with you - really I would xoxoxox

rabbithead said...

Hard things to discuss at any time of life. I'm glad you're getting those "out of the way." And, that you posted that dolphin's smile. Love you, see you soon. Ellis

Katahdinbound said...


I am donating my body to UNE. I called and they sent me the paperwork and it was easy and takes care of the funeral expenses.

Renee said...

I just caught up on your posts the past couple of weeks. I've been spending all my extra time planning a fundraiser for my friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Your decision to forego western medicine and more importantly sharing your thoughts, fear and wishes are truly an unbelievable and selfless act. Sometimes I am overcome by the tenuous nature of life, my health or the health and well being of those I love and I hate wasting time stressing. I stres too much, would love to think that listening/reading your blog would make me change my ways some? So I am thinking of you and sending you positive vibes, thoughts, energy!

Jenngie said...

Thank you ALL so much for your comments! They really mean so much to me and knowing that people are out there that care and take the time to read about and follow me on my journey is priceless! xoxo

Kristen S said...

Jenn - I know we haven't seen each other for quite sometime. Know that you are in my heart! I wish I lived near you, I would definitely do what I could to help you stay at home. I think that is important! Love ya' girl!