Mixed Emotions

Up early this Sunday morning. My cat Stewie likes to announce when he poops in his box. LOL, do any of your animal friends do that? At 3:30AM.......I'm not amused. So I laid there in bed thinking about today and what it may entail. So, decided to blog about it.

Today there is a launch meeting to inform all my wonderful peeps who are willing to help me out with my current and upcoming needs thru a website. The website is called eHope.nu. Jeffrey Wood is the creator who has helped many families connect with one another in an easy to understand way. It takes a lot of the stress off of me to try and organize help. Exhausting! I am so lucky to have Jeffreys help and a good friend Liz as well. She will be the facilitator for the site.

So, I'm nervous and excited and hoping that the launch meeting goes well. I know it will be emotional and a bit overwhelming for me. I just hope it all works out for everyone.

I tend to rehearse my upcoming speeches and have been doing that a bit in my head this morning. I'm usually pretty good at speaking from the heart and not having a script. I'm hoping today is no exception. I panic sometimes that I'll forget to mention something.

I will trust that it will all work out just the way it is supposed to.

I am just so incredibly grateful for all the wonderful people who have signed up to help in some way that they are able to. Thank you very very much!!

I also had some fear emotions come up this morning.

I had this vision of me on this raft drifted out to sea. One day I was laying there in the sun enjoying the fish life around me. Dolphins came up to say hello. Whales flipped their tales at me. Lots of sea life to wonder at. I was so happy and appreciative of the moment. Then the next moment I'm on that same raft and its night time. Scary....then it starts to rain and I'm shivering cold. Alone in the dark, floating on the raft not knowing where I am or what's out there in the darkness.

That really describes how I can go from being positive one moment or day to feeling all alone and scared the next. I know I am not alone, not really. I have lots of people around me. I do live alone and when you have a major illness, it is my experience that you get the feeling that no one understands what you're going thru and can sometimes be scared of being near you. Its too uncomfortable for them, too emotional, too scary. So hence the feeling of being alone. In the quiet hours like this morning, when its still dark out. The quiet can be comforting or quite the opposite. No other human to talk to and discuss my bad dreams to. No one to smile at me and ask how I'm feeling.

I am lucky to have this blog and have people who take the time to read it.

Thank you for throwing your anchor out to me. Keeping in touch. Means the world.

I am trying to stay in the sun and watch all the magic around me. There are going to still be those cold dark nights. I just have faith that the sun will come back to my world soon.

Blessings to you all!

Picture is of my dear niece G. Dragonfly with raspberries on her fingers that I took. She makes me appreciate being alive. Thank you Miss G! xo