Friday, May 17, 2013


Hi Everyone!

So, I had a PICC Line put in my upper arm two days ago and so far its not horribly annoying. For some reason the alarm that says the cord is being pinched is going off when I know in fact the cord is not being pinched. It woke me up several times during the night. This will not do. So, other than that it's not too bad to deal with. I have the same bag that goes with it and I"m still naming it Bob, now its Bob with an attitude.

This week, for those of you who watch t.v. and yes I do, gasp...I know how horrible it is for ones brain and all but living alone and for many many reasons, I do watch some t.v. I have tried to cut way back and for the most part I'm doing pretty well. For one I don't have the capability to keep my attention on any one thing for too long. So, as I was saying, for those of you who DO watch the metal glowing box, you'll know that it is Season Finale time. That dreaded time when you know that someone may be killed off the show or someone may or may not be dead and you'll have to wait till next Fall or later to find out if they did die or not. Or maybe it's one person over another that will die. You start thinking, "Well, if that person died then what will their wife do .......blah blah, but if that person dies then what will he do at his job as a helicopter pilot....blah blah blah....," you get the drift. Well, it can be a bit stressful,....then you think, "It's just a t.v. program". But the networks writers' and producers know how to suck you in and keep you guessing, with the music and sometimes really great writing. Nurse Jackie on Netflix got me laughing out loud last night which I really needed btw.

Last night there was the example of Greys Anatomy.....I won't give away a big spoiler but I will say that someone DOES DIE. OMG! I saw it coming too. Such a bummer. But at least there were no cliff hangers, that I can remember anyway....., so I don't have to wait till next Fall or later....which I can't do anyway, so thats good.

It just got me thinking about all of this silly stuff we fill our brains with. Its like candy at the movies. We didn't need to get the large box of chocolates but you do. I didn't need to watch two stressful season finales, but I did. I wanted to escape from my drama and go to someone elses' made up drama, just for one night, or maybe for most of the week, and then I'm done. Mostly. LOL Of course there are DVD's on Netflix to catch up on from now on......:)

I have recently started to listen to my podcasts more often which are fantastic. I'm making more of my greeting cards from my photography. I'm meditating more. I'm trying hard to organize my paperwork so that others won't have too much of a burden to deal with later.......I feel like when I say LATER in my head, I want someone with a microphone who can make that sound like its in a cave, say it that way......its so ominous.

What I guess I wanted to write about today was that I most likely won't be here to see what happens next Fall or know what the next line of cool fashion will be for back to school kids. There is so much to enjoy NOW. It is my mantra. I am in no way perfect or do I walk the talk all the time. I write this blog to remind myself and if I can help someone else, then great!! What a joy! We are all trying right?

It is hard for me emotionally when I am faced with the future questions from all around me. What will you do when Summer hits? What about Fall? What kind of harvest will you have from your garden? What kind of birthday party should we plan for so and so this Summer? etcetera.

So much I never realized was going to be all around me. All the questions and the silent moments when both of us (whomever is talking with me) realize that is not something I have to worry about, most likely anyway.

What I am striving to do now is to smile and nod and just try and not get sucked into the unknown future that some people or manufacturers want me to ponder. And all those expectations we put on ourselves. A dear friend reminded me yesterday about expectations. That's another post for another day.

I do love to ponder all the what if's.....but the what if's haven't happened yet.....I know some of the people who are reading this who say time doesn't exist and so forth.....I know, but humor me for a my conscious mind the what if's haven't happened yet, ...what is another 911, Time will stop and all those future worries won't matter. Or another columbine or Katrina, or you name it.

I look at my future, which I DO have, even if its for one day, one hour, two months, 3 weeks, who knows right? I DO have a future. We all do.

Sometimes It's ok to get sucked into the unknown fantasies and today I"m going to try hard to stay in the today world of ME.

Does that make sense?

Blessings to you ALL!!

And could someone tell BOB with an attitude to stop beeping at me? Thanks! :)  XO


S. R. Roy said...


There, consider it said, Jenn.

As usual, your blog was interesting and thought-provoking and touching, all at once. Thanks for that.

I hope you can continue to enjoy the NOW as much as is possible and remind us all of the need to do the same. Who knows where stringing a whole bunch of meaningful NOWs together will take us? :)

Love and hugs,

Anonymous said...

Please be quiet Bob...


Anonymous said...

Whoops, forgot to sign...

Love Larry

N. Jamison said...

Bob needs to get a life and be quiet in yours!

Me From Maine said...

Hi Jenn,

Please don't apologize for watching TV! Just as people enjoy movies on netflix or what-have-you, TV is really not much different. Living in the NOW and enjoying it can also include the wonderful escapism of TV.

I have often found TV to be a great catalyst for thought. I have taken ideas that came to me during a TV show and actually turned them into wonderful meditations, deep thoughts, and meaningful conversations with friends.

What does TV tell us about life? It reminds us that other people in the world face similar hardships and challenges that we do. We are reminded that these shows wouldn't be so popular if so many millions of other people out there couldn't relate to them.

Doesn't that blow your mind? Think about how many people watched Grey's Anatomy, for example. Think about how these people have at least partially, if only for a moment, suspended their beliefs and care about these characters and their journey. That's most likely because they have experienced some of those same experiences, situations or emotions.

So, all of these people have dealt with tragedy, most likely. All of those people have watched loved ones be rushed to the hospital (or have themselves done so). They've felt the fear of an unknown illness or injury. They've dealt with difficult co-workers or complicated working relationships (whether in a hospital setting or not).

This binds us all together in a strange way. We are being asked to question ourselves about what our emotions are telling us about the plotline. I personally sit back in awe wondering what the myriad of thoughts, emotions and discussions are happening during that time!

We wonder what is the "real world" (tm). What is "real life"? Is it this flesh and bones 3D/4D existance? Yes, partly. Is it a spiritual existance that we can only get hints of? Yes, partly. Everything in our lives (including TV) serves a purpose, and that purpose is absolutely perfect for that moment.

Your reality right now includes tubes, machines, medicine, pain and challenges - partly. It also includes beauty, friends, love and joy. It also includes everything beyond this 3D reality that is still so intimately tied to Who You Really Are.

Thank you for writing this blog...for infusing a bit of yourself onto these pages. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. We still walk beside you, Jenn...even if from afar. xoxo ~ Val