Saturday, June 15, 2013

Animals know when you are being REAL

Hi ya'll

I woke up today thinking about someone whom I am having a hard time communicating with and decided for at least right now I cannot be in a relationship with this person in any shape or form. It is unhealthy for my body and spirit.

I was with my dear step sister in law… sister….:) and we got to hang out for a little bit. (Time that went way too fast.) Then I went to my friend Vickie’s house, about 20 minutes away, where she has three horses. I love being around her horses. They are such wonderful beings. I feel grounded to be with them. Vickie is starting a wonderful therapeutic program with some other individuals who are of the same mind and wanting to help people thru horses and their guidance.

I wasn’t sure what to expect and was a bit nervous at first but loved being with the horses. First another woman and I were brushing one of the horses named Java. He seemed to be so happy about that. Having two ladies brush him at the same time, it was like he was a Prince. I noticed the smell and warmth that the horse had. Very comforting with all the senses, except not the taste. That would be pushing it a bit far I think. LOL. Although a few horse flies wanted to fly into my mouth, luckily they didn’t succeed.

Then we, this other woman and I, picked a horse we wanted to work with. I picked Oscar. He is a beautiful tan horse with a white mane that has a black stripe down the center. From when I first met Oscar maybe a year ago? I loved being near him.

Each of us got two people to work with as well. I went to Oscar and got the rope to guide him to the shade and I wasn’t sure what to do or what to say or ? I knew what emotions were coming up for me but thought, …no, I don’t need to go there, It’s something I can work on later when I get home. But as soon as I tried to push that thought away and go somewhere else in my mind and heart, Oscar went away from me. He wanted me to be REAL. Here I am telling people to Keep It Real and I don’t go there. So didn’t I feel like a hypocrite? LOL

I decided to go back and sit in the chair and I started to cry and cry. Suddenly Oscar came over and was so strong. I won’t get into everything I said and how Oscar acted but one thing I won’t forget is that this horse licked my tears off of my face. I swear to the Goddess! I was pouring out tears and as soon as my right eye poured out some tears, he had his mouth on my cheek and I felt his tongue lick my tears off my face. He was comforting me but also I felt he wanted me to be strong. To sit with my strength of making the correct decisions for me right now. I have a right to have loving and supportive people around me while I die and I deserve to say no to behaviors that are filled with anger and judgment towards me. I don’t know how much time I have left. I deserve to live and die how I choose and be around people I choose to be around.

I have been living for other people for so long and taking care of their emotions and needs and not taking care of mine. I think its about time I did that don’t you think? If ever there was a time.

I know that my passing is going to be messy and I’m not going to heal every relationship before I go. I do feel like I’ve tried so hard to be authentic with people and try my best to love and understand where someone is coming from. I can’t force people to act a certain way or ask something from someone that they can’t give. But I CAN put up healthy boundaries and not allow myself to be treated unfairly.

My family and friends who understand this are so supportive of me and my path. I am so lucky and so grateful to have a loving and supportive community around me. I am also thankful for the healing power of animals, especially to Oscar, a Fjord whom was so sweet and supportive today and allowed me to cry on his neck and stood strong for me when I couldn’t. While standing out of the shade and back in the sun, I silently thanked him and he walked back to his herd of horses, his family.


Anonymous said...

So glad Oscar could help you ... There has been many a time I've held onto Classy's strength for comfort. And glad you wrote this. Love, Ellis

StressLess said...

Wonder Blog piece Jennifer... loved visualizing that interaction with Oscar Jenn...

Love you... for standing up for yourself and allowing yourself to receive support and love.

I love YOU.


Me From Maine said...

I already gave you some private thoughts about this particular blog, but now that I've read it again, I wanted to say that the healing energy of animals is something I also love and resonate to! How precious and magical that Oscar gave such compassionate and loving care to you.

You definitely *DO* have every right to give yourself love and self care, and if that self care includes getting rid of things/situations/people that are not resonating with you on this part of your journey, then that is absolutely appropriate and perfect.

Everyone walks their own path the best they can, and if we stop and think about it, every relationship we've had (or currently are at least peripherally involved in) serve a purpose...but also can have a "season". I think we know in our hearts when that season has ended...even if we didn't quite get the closure from the relationship we hoped for.

I would suggest to be gentle with your heart, and remind yourself that if you can surround those people and relationships with love, that even in their seeming unfinished/sometimes complicated states...really they have been what they needed to be for whatever reason.

Even "messy" endings will be perfect for the spiritual journey of those people who can decide whether or not to examine things and hopefully grow. Sending extra love today. ~ Val xoxo