Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tolerance for Pain

I'm feeling much better today. My mood has shifted. It's sunny out and its a new day!

Yesterday I had a "first" time experience, not sex....get your mind out of the first waxing experience. It may be my last.

I was offered a free first time waxing appointment from a really nice woman who is part owner of a salon/spa locally. I was discussing with her how i'm grateful my hair is finally coming back but its coming back in places i'd rather not have hair, or so much of it anyway. My face was the biggest complaint. Luckily i have light blonde hair on my face so its not as noticeable, except to me and in certain lights. I was feeling so self conscious about it. i didnt think i'd care so much but maybe since i have short hair there's more focus on my face?

In any case, i decided i'd take her up on her nice offer of a free waxing. I wanted to have the experience anyway. At least i thought i did. Some things i realize you don't always have to experience. Torture, eating pigs brains, hiking Mt Everest, you get the idea. I may add waxing to my list of things i don't need to do a second time.

I tend to have a high tolerance for pain, certain types of pain. I've dislocated my knee over 6 times on one knee and one time on the other. The kind of thing where i had to knock it back into place myself. I've had gynecological pains that i wont get into, that were similar to having a baby. I've had many types of pain., surgeries, injuries. Its the sudden extreme pain that I don't do well with. I could never be a boxer. Its the assault feeling my body goes through when its out of the blue kind of pain. I crumble when that happens.

I forgot to warn the woman who was torturing me that i may cry, and that its just a reflex kind of reaction and not to worry about it. She tried the sly kind of approach where she'd ask me a question, get me talking, then ripppppppppp the sheet of paper and wax off my face. I don't like the sly approach. I want to be warned when you are going to inflict major pain on me! It felt like she had slapped me on my face, hard, and out of the blue. Very jarring. After ripping most of my face off on one side, she left the room to get a warm towel to wipe the wax and what felt like blood, off my face. When she was gone i felt the tears welling up. I hadn't cried in some time, so i knew i was due. I tried to hold the tears back. When she came back in i let them out, the tears flowed. I was embarrassed and tried to supress them. My body wasnt cooperating.

The woman was very sweet about it and asked if i needed anything. I couldnt talk, i wanted to go to the bathroom and get it together, but i couldnt move. Finally i was able to talk and told her i'd been under some stress lately etc.... she told me that lots of people cry during waxing, and that she's cried too. She mentioned how she wont get a bikini waxing anymore, its too much for her. I wont even go there about that!

I needed the release apparently, so it was a good thing, just not the place i wanted to do some releasing at.

It got me thinking about torture and pain, inflicting pain, or volunteering to receive painful treatments.

Why do we do these silly things to ourselves? For beauty? So other people will find us attractive? I suppose its also about liking what we see in the mirror. I see so many people getting plastic surgery and going through painful procedures.

I don't want to judge them, i am just wondering about it all. How did that all start? Who planted that "seed" into our brains that says we need to look a certain way in order to be accepted in our own minds and in others?

I walked home and had this horrible image in my mind of bikini waxing. No way, no how, no thank you!

I will be offline until next week sometime, having my computer upgraded so i can use my new Nano my friend Dan gave me. I'll be going into i'll be writing again when i can.....stay tuned!

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