Trying to hang on

The last few days have been a bit of a struggle. I seem to be able to go for a few weeks or at least a couple of weeks, where i walk, eat fairly well, socialize and stay pretty active. My attitude has been pretty good over all.

Then its as if i run out of gas. I wake up and feel like i dont want to do anything. My mood is off, i lay around and dont do much of anything. I believe im hormonal. It just escalates from one day to the next.

We've had a couple of snow storms the last couple of days, so thats added to my mood. Then I got some very sad news. A friend of a friend that i've hung out with a couple of times is now in a Boston hospital with what looks to be metastatic pancreatic cancer. A large tumor was found in her pancreas, the doctors think is has spread. Her liver was affected and a stint had to be inserted in her liver. She's in her early forties i believe. Young. It is just so upsetting to hear peoples stories of cancer, of how one more person has been attacked by this villian.

I am just so tired today. Tired of being positive, of eating right and doing all that i'm "supposed" to do. I just want a break from it all.

I hate cancer.