Friday, January 18, 2008
Changes in the air
Lots of changes going on.
Life is constantly changing. Sometimes our lives seem to repeat certain patterns and other times there are major shifts that we are very much aware of.
The weather changes and our mood can change. I noticed it was rainy and cold out when i woke up and then by the afternoon it was sunny and 45 degrees. I was in a much better mood. Even though I didn't go outside I noticed the difference.
We have had snow, rain, sun, ice, and really cold temperatures in the last 4 days.
I have been in and out of the hospital, most of my reproductive parts removed, entering menopause, healing and moving onto the next phase of my life.
New year, new chapter.
On the physical side, here are the details....
I have three incisions where the surgeons removed the bits and pieces, one incision on my belly button, two on either side of my pelvis, held together by steri-strips. I have some bruising from the incisions and apparently during one of the incisions a spidervein was punctured, so there is more pain there from the internal bruising/bleeding. I had some pain in my shoulders from the gas that was inserted, trying to come out. I also have a lung infection or virus, not sure what exactly. Chest congestion basically. I have to breathe into a device to help strengthen my lungs. I have hot flashes that wake me up in the night a couple of times and are annoying throughout the day. Fatigue is an issue, so i sleep off and on all day. Other than that i'm doing ok.
I'm going a bit stir crazy. I'm hoping to get out for a walk tomorrow morning, even if its just to the store and back.
I'm on lifting restriction, so no changing the litterbox. :)
My dreams have been interesting. I only remember one that seems to be important. I was speaking to my mother, telling her that i'm sorry but i won't be able to give her any grandchildren. She then started bawling.
My step sister had an idea that maybe the mother in my dream was actually a part of me, the mother in me. That I need to come to terms with the loss of motherhood, at least the part where i actually give birth to a child. I may need to grieve that part of myself that may have yearned for childbirth.
Ok, i know i'm getting all (as a friend told me once) woo-woo now., Its just something to think about., wonder about.
One more thing i wanted to mention.....
I had brought some bunny ears that i had bought in Edinburgh on New Years Eve, to the hospital Monday. I wore them to my surgery and they let me hold onto them along with my CD player playing my surgery c.d., So when i got wheeled into surgery and on the way back from recovery, i wore these pink, fuzzy, ears. My surgeon loved them. She told me afterwards that when i was still out, after surgery, she wanted to show her partner the ears, and she put them on, her partner loved them, but my surgeon said, "oh, you haven't seen the best part, they flash!", the ears can be turned on and there are flashing lights on the ears. I wore them to my room and it was like a tidal wave. People looked at me and smiled or laughed. I told everyone i passed that i was spreading joy throughout the hospital. I figure if i make someone smile once that day, maybe that will help them and the people they are caring for. It was just great to see peoples reactions.
Everyone needs some bunny ears.