Saturday, November 17, 2012

Holidays are a comin'

Hi Everyone!

So, I titled this post as Holidays are a comin' because they are. LOL,

I can't really wrap my head around the fact that Thanksgiving is next week, wow!

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bubble and once in a while I poke my head outside and discover what's going on out "there".

Time is so different for me now.

It seems slower and just different.

I usually get a bit depressed this time of year. The holidays have been known to be stress-filled and hectic from my child hood till about 5 years ago or so. Its the usual pressures of having to buy presents when I have little money and am not a really crafty person. So making gifts just doesn't seem to happen with me. I will vow some years to make an effort to make my presents. Candles, or food gifts or home made cards, or special oils filled with herbs....the list goes on. What about knitting? I was able to make scarves and thats about it. So, making something doesn't work for me.

So, this year is different for many obvious reasons. The stress is still there a bit but its more about the unknown aspects like.....will I make it till Christmas? I don't want to die too near to the holidays cuz that leaves my family and friends with a depressing anniversary date to deal with. Not fair.

Then on the other hand I would love to share some special times at Christmas. We're not going to give gifts to any adults in my family except maybe my dad and stepmom and then some of the children, but other than that, no gifts. I'm not sure I'll be able to do much this year in that department, since its hard to get out and about to shop,  but want to share time with my family. Visits are so important to me now.

The only material thing I wish I had now is a newer laptop so I can look at my photos. My current laptop doesn't read discs of any kind, so I can't upload my pics into it.

But other than that I don't need anything.

Just love.

My body is tired and the pain is increasing. I feel bad when I tell my family this cuz the look on their faces makes my heart sink. I don't want to upset anyone but it IS my reality and I AM a truth teller, so keeping it all to myself just won't work for me. I would love some support so in order to get that support I need to be honest with everyone. I don't want to and have not been wallowing in it all, but a reality check is ok once in a while.

I was really bummed out last night cuz I once again couldn't go to Kirtan. It seems I can't do anything in the evenings anymore. Makes me very very sad and very very frustrated. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Kirtan!! sigh.....


On a positive note.....Thanksgiving will be special this year. Usually my dad and step mom go to Florida for T-giving and the rest of us do our usual thing. I have been going to my friend Nancys' sisters' house. They are so wonderful, Nancys family, they are like a second family to me. They have wonderful animals as well. I've taken many photos of their horses and sheep and chickens/rooster, and dogs.

My brother will do something low key with his girlfriend and so forth. My mom and stepdad usually just have a nice dinner out or at home. I've also had many T-givings at home and it was nice actually. I would watch the Macys parade and then the dog show and it was peaceful.

This brother, his girlfriend and his two boys can't make it for Christmas so some of them are coming on T-giving. My mom is going to make a big dinner for us. First T-giving with my mom in more years than I can remember. My mom, stepdad, brother and his two boys will be it. Nice intimate time.

Some family members have asked what I want to do for Christmas and even suggested we drive to where my brother lives, but I just can't plan on anything right now and I don't foresee me traveling 4 hours each way to see my brother and not be able to go out to dinner with everyone and just hang out at my brothers home? No, I just don't see it happening. I wish I could but my body has other plans I believe. Its hard to say no, but its reality. Keeping it REAL right?

I am truly living day to day and appreciating so much around me and especially all the visits I have. I treasure those times.

Blessed Be to you all!


Renee said...

Hi Jenn, just read your post on the holidays...and along with birthdays they are loaded too! I have a love/hate relationship with holidays coming from a divorced family and lists of other holiday baggage;) I love decorating, baking and playing music in my home but once you leave your cocoon all hell can break loose;) I'm glad you are having a big turkey day with your family. I hope you can simply enjoy the day, wine and pie always help in that area. Sending you what I will call "use as you wish" vibes. And they are simply that wishes for you for want ever you want or need!

Kristen S said...

Hey Jenn, I'm catching up on your blog! I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! I think of you often! I wish I had the funds to visit you but since I don't know that I carry you in my heart! Hugs

Jenngie said...


thank you so much for your comment. I can relate for sure!

I love USE AS YOU WISH vibes, nice! Thanks a lot!

Merry Merry to you and your loved ones!