Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Well, I made it to 2013! Yay!

I don't know how ya'll feel about the holidays but I am SOOOOO happy they are over! My body feels so much more relaxed and calm. I could feel the anxiety all around me before Christmas got here and it was not a good feeling

Most of the gifts I bought are given, some people I haven't seen yet.

I will take down my little Charlie Brown tree tomorrow morning. Maybe with the film crew shooting it.

Today was a rough day due to being exhausted! My nurse and I were discussing what the cause may be and I think it is due to the last two days being emotionally charged and full.

Yesterday I spent about 3 hours at my mom and stepdads house to have our "Christmas Dinner" that we couldn't have due to illness etc... It was really yummy! I got to have my sweet potato pudding. :) Part of it was filmed. I got some wonderful presents and gave them a present I hope they like. I also got to play with little Oscar the Wild kitten, he's grown since I've seen him. He's still wild, for sure, but cute as can be.

Monday was the anniversary of my friend Dans' moms' death. Also I met with my good friend Nancy and my Hospice Social Worker Annie for a mediated meeting. Nancy and I hit a bump in the road and needed to get some "stuff" out. It was all filmed too, yikes! I bet they won't use any of it anyway. I'm not even sure this film is really going to happen. The film makers will let me know next week if they are still wanting to be on board with this project or not.

I think any relationship, be it with film makers, friends, lovers, family can be tough at times. Especially when there is a major illness involved and then add a big holiday and miscommunication and BAM! You have yourself a recipe for an explosion of emotions.

I ALWAYS have felt better when the issue or issues are communicated. Even if my feelings are hurt, for ME, I want to know how the person feels and not have to try and guess. I drive myself nuts trying to fill in the blanks of how someone is feeling. Then I get myself into trouble by creating scenarios that aren't even based in reality.

Funny how the brain can trick us sometimes. Or maybe it's just us tricking us?

Oh, I don't know and don't claim to really know what I'm talking about, I just speak my truth at the moment I'm expressing it and hope it makes some sort of sense. :)

People are asking each other what their New Years resolutions will be. "What is your wish Jenn?"
Well, one guess what that wish would be.....

I like to look at the resolution part as a spring cleaning of my life. I look around at where I'm at and see what improvements can be made and go from there. I'm not one to put pressure on myself, at least not where this is concerned. I did the whole buy the gym pass in January thing and use it only 4 times, but still paid for it monthly hoping I would go back....thing.....doesn't work.

Now I'm in a whole other dimension of living, it feels like that anyway. I wish I could go back to Zumba class and go walking around town or what have you. Nope.

My muscles are definitely atrophying a bit. I do some stretches at home but lately it has been challenging to do too much.

Ok, so i'm rambling, sorry folks.....I'll end by saying I hope you all have a year full of love, laughter, joy and allowing yourself to indulge in whatever makes you happy once in a while., because you just never know what the next day will bring you.


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