Friday, January 25, 2013

Long Days

I'm finding my days are getting shorter but seem to be longer....I guess I mean that by 5pm I'm ready for bed but I have to stay up to take my meds and also so I won't wake up at 3am.

I went to sleep the other night at 8pm! I haven't been to sleep that early in years, ...or maybe when I was sick with a cold or flu, it's been a long time anyway.

I had an interesting day today. Mostly good and also just hard cuz it was emotional.

I woke up feeling so melancholy and couldn't figure out why. Was it because I ate too much sugar last night? Was it because I cut back on one of my pain meds and its affecting my mood too? ( i cut back to see if my mood would be better, i didn't ease into the dosage).I realized that it could be anything really. I was crying before I knew it. I almost canceled seeing a good friend of mine because I didn't want to burden her with my stuff and be overwhelming. I decided to take the chance and just see her and see if I could visit her animals or go to the ocean. We decided on the ocean. It was COLD out! But I got to cry and vent my stuff to her and feel like she really listened. She didn't judge and allowed me to slobber away. Then I wrapped myself up with a hat with ears and scarf and monster puppet gloves and went to the ocean. It felt good to take some pics and soak in the ocean air. Even though it was only about 10 degrees?, I am so glad we did that. You know its cold when part of the ocean near the sand is frozen. Salt water doesn't freeze that easily. The air has to be frigid!

I also took some video of the ocean with all the relaxing sounds of the waves coming gently to shore. I figure I could play that to relax sometime when I need to.

I then a while after my friend left I saw my new home health aide from hospice. She is really nice and helpful. She did some dishes and helped me water the plants. It was a little hard knowing she's there to help me and sometime, if I wanted to, I could get help with a shower or she can shampoo my hair. I don't want to look at that day right now. I would rather not go there quite yet.

Shortly after she left, I was on the phone with my nurse crying all over the place again. Then my friend Larry came over to give me an astrology reading and to catch up. Its been a while since we've visited. Poor Larry is sick though. He was nice enough to wear a mask just to be careful since my immune system isn't all that strong right now. Great reading and so nice to forget about the issues of mine and focus on someone else or at least not talk about my vitals or the cancer and all the related subjects. Sure it comes up but it isn't the whole focus.

I'm pretty tired from releasing and visiting but it was worth it. I hope I can wake up tomorrow and feel lighter and more balanced emotionally.

Feels like bedtime but its only 7:30....  :-/

Night ya'll


Anonymous said...

Good Night Jenn, I'm glad that you had a nice day out at the ocean. Sending positive energy your way.

Peace,Pax and all the rest of it,


Anonymous said...

Hi Jenn,
Have you been playing the ocean video? I am sending love & healing xo Lisa H.

Anonymous said...

It was great visiting with you Jenn! I love you very much.

Love Larry