Tuesday, February 19, 2013

PAIN and Creativity

Just wanted to say a few words before I went back to bed to rest.

I had a wonderful weekend seeing friends and shopping and doing lots of creative projects.

I mailed out some pictures that I came across recently, to people all over, that I thought would love to have the pics. I'm going thru old totes from my storage. I decided to not read old journals. I was speaking with my Hospice Social Worker and I quickly realized that there is no purpose in reading about pain and suffering that I went thru a long time ago. My SW said that the journal helped and was useful at the time and now its not useful, so I threw them out. I usually only wrote in journals when I was really upset, very depressed or in need of venting feelings, exploring different ways of thinking. Also for writing down things that I couldn't tell another living soul. So, they are gone

Little bits of my past are being thrown away and discarded. They are not needed anymore. I am in a different place in most ways possible. I"m so happy I'm in the place I am in. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Those old journals were voices of my past, whispers of a far away time.


I'm dealing with PAIN!! I think all the organizing, creating, shopping and whatever else was a bit too much? Or, maybe the cancer is just flaring up because it wants to? Its almost like I'd forgotten about the cancer this weekend. Not completely but mostly. Felt good. So maybe the cancer felt left out and now it wants to be in the fore front of my mind. Ok, you win !! Lots of pain this morning, so much,  that I was pacing back and forth in my small apartment, like a wild animal caged. I called my nurse and the hospice office. Finally I got a Home Health Aide to come by and rub some tincture into my back where it hurt the most. It helped some but now its back screaming at me. My nurse wanted me to go up on one of the meds I'm on. It worked for  while, now its not.

I think it may be time to go up again on the big guns....sigh....

Not ready. But don't want to suffer and have everyone around me be miserable too. Having to deal with someone in severe pain is no fun.

I'll figure it out like I always do. It just takes some time to get to that place. I'm going to try and lie down, (on my side cuz i cant lie on my back) for a while and see how that goes.

I'm just having an off day.....Maybe tomorrow will be an ON day? I DO get to see my wonderful polarity therapist, so that will do me wonders i'm sure!

Blessings to you ALL! xo


Jani Darak-Druck said...

I'm so glad to see that you are dealing with the ups and downs with creativity and strength. Even though it doesn't feel like strength when you are in pain, being able to enjoy the good times is priceless!

I saw on the EHope update that you are very upset about the Downton Abbey finale. ME TOO. Lisa and I were aghast! Shocked and dismayed, and I am not being facetious. OMG! What next? I did read an article by the guy who created the series, and it made me feel a little better! You can see it on:
Let me know if you have trouble accessing this website.
Love and blessings,

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you Jenn. You rock!

Love Larry

Anonymous said...

Jenn- I just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your blog posts so much. You write so well!! What an amazing gift you are giving to those who read your blog by sharing yourself and your journey through your blog posts. You truly are an inspiring and beautiful person. Ohhh, and I'm so very happy you had a nice weekend!! :) *hugs*

Debbie L.P.