Mothers Day

Hi ya'll

Wow! I knew it had been a while since I posted but this is longer than I realized.

I've been trying to balance my life out a bit. I find I'm booking too many visits and
with hospice visiting, I'm exhausted at the end of most days. I also have had a major
increase in pain and fatigue. I'm not sure which one is more upsetting. I'm beginning to
think its the fatigue. It annoys me and gets in the way of me wanting to do things.

Hospice did tell me that the fatigue will creep in and will get more and more advanced as
things go forward. After about 2-3 hours or so in the morning, I feel like I need a nap.

That isn't supposed to happen to a 43 year old? Only to an 80 or 90 year old.

My nurse says its the cancer eating away at all the energy I have. The cancer thrives off of my energy she says.

I wish it was only during the night time. I am adjusting things so I can write more often on my blog. I hope this works out.

What I'm doing now is scheduling my appts closer together if they are short visits and that way I can take a nap before another major visit. Also if I have two longer visits I can sleep in between and then hopefully have more energy to write on my blog and take photos and so forth.

It feels still like a dance. It started out as the Rumba, and now it feels a little like the Waltz with a touch of Salsa thrown in.

So today is Mothers Day and I want to say a HUGE Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there. Also to all the step mothers and foster mothers. I have a wonderful step mom whom I love dearly. And finally if you are a mother to a furry friend or any animal critter, I believe we all deserve to be recognized for our giving and loving to those in need. Happy Mothers Day.

My mom and I had a lovely morning. It was of course bittersweet, being the last one. She came over and made us some breakfast. It really was a joint effort. If you saw my kitchen you'd see why. I was holding plates and handing her utensils and so forth. Much like an operation at a hospital. Pretty funny. We got some laughs out of that. Whenever we laugh together is a good good thing. I gave her one of my cards that I spent a while writing out. You can imagine how hard it was to write the last mothers day card ever. Not easy. I also gave her some calla lilies and a gift card to a sushi restaurant she and my step dad like to go to.  I think my favorite part was when she read to me. She read one of my favorite books, it may be my all time favorite, not sure......Anne of Green Gables. The writing to me is so fluid and filled with colors you don't need to try hard to imagine whats all around you. So beautiful and funny. I just closed my eyes and listened to my mothers voice read to me. She has a beautiful voice. She has been in so many plays and read poetry aloud and so many things. Gorgeous voice.

One thing I told my mom today was that the pain is really hurting badly and its hurting where my shoulder blades are, now on both sides and its like a bad bad sunburn under the skin. Pulsating pain. I told my mom that for some odd reason it feels like my angel wings are coming in and she said it at the same time, the wings are trying to come out and so I can fly away to the next dimension unknown to me right now. I like to think of this and maybe it will help with the pain at times. I'll try anything to calm the pain down.

I vow to also get back into meditating more often.

Well, thats it for now. I hope not to wait too long before I write again. When I do, I may have a PICC Line put in my arm area. I'm nervous about it going in but i'm sure it will work out ok. It's being put in on Wednesday.

Have you been listening to the Spring Birds coming in to greet us all? Its so beautiful to hear. I heard a few cardinals and this afternoon the oddest thing......a bluejay talking with a mourning dove. I'm not kidding. So sweet to listen to.

Blessings to you all!

Pic below of me and my momma!