All Clear!

This morning I had my 6 month unilateral mammogram. Just on the "infected" side.

There has GOT to be a better way! It's almost comical how medieval the procedure is.

I then had to wait for the Radiologist to review the scans, took forever! Then I take my old films up to the surgical breast doctor. Wait, wait wait....

She comes in with an intern doctor, asking me questions and I wanted to say, GET TO THE FILMS! She finally did, and she saw some calcium deposits, but she thinks that they are the same ones I had a year ago, and theres no issue with them.

So, i'm all clear until 6 months from now when i'll have my yearly bilateral mammogram.

Whew! Safe for another 6 months!

I can let out my breath now

Sorting it all out

Sometimes it's frustrating when you can't figure out for sure what's going on in your body.

I've been having some pain and mostly sore muscles lately.

My sleep hasn't been great either.

The doctors I see will ask me if I know why I feel this way. I can't seem to figure it out and I believe it can be almost impossible to know for sure.

The sleep could be due to menopause, or the new meds i'm on or who knows....

The pains...well there are a few. I now have trocanteric bursitis. Could be due to my power walking. I tend to push it too much without stretching first. Could be due to my aromatase inhibitor i'm taking, that keeps the estrogen down. My sore joints more than likely is due to that.

I'm seeing my osteopath about the neck,shoulder, back pain. The bursitis may have to be helped by Physical Therapy.

I had an x-ray on my hip area and it came out good, no fractures or dislocations or calcium deposits. Since I have osteoporosis they wanted to make sure I didnt' do some damage.

Figuring out why i'm having a symptom would be nice but is it really all that important?

Maybe not.

Walking really helps me in so many ways, and since I dont have a car or frequent use of one, I need to walk and take buses. Its hard when the doctor says to ease up on the walking when I really get good benefits from it.

So, i'm just walking slower and taking buses more often, but I'm still walking.

Its just another reminder that things are different now. I need to be more aware of my limitations and take better care of my body. I don't seem to heal as fast as I used to.

I'll be walking today, getting some food, i'll use my push cart instead of a big backpack.

It's all about adjustments.

I saw a story about an Olympic athlete (Natalie du Toit) who lost her leg and how she adjusted. She made it work for her, she adjusted her way of doing things and her way of looking at her goals.

My stubborn side wants to throw a tantrum and say, "NO, I want to do things the same way I used to!"

I'm readjusting my attitude, little by little.

Sorting it all out.

Sad News

I just found out that an amazing cancer warrior has died. Leroy Sievers. I have a link to the left of the website under sites I go to daily, under My Cancer Blog, its npr.org/mycancer. If you would like to read a wonderful article about Leroy and his passing....click on the first blue highlighted area on the August 16th post, it will bring you to the article.

I loved reading Leroys' thoughts and honesty with how he felt and what he was going through.

The comments people left, including myself, were very moving at times, funny and helpful for my journey.

I don't think I know of a tougher cancer warrior than Leroy, ( i didnt know him personally but felt like i did due to his wonderful writing), he didn't want that cancer to take over and went through so many procedures, experimental and otherwise to help do that.

He was told he had a couple months to live after his cancer returned but he lived 2 1/2 more years.

I believe his fight and journey has helped a huge amount of people that either know of someone who has cancer or they are in the cancer world.

You'll be missed Leroy!

Rest in peace .......and kick some butt on the other side for us here, Leroy, help find a cure!

New Link

Hi ya'll!

I found out about a new website that is very cool!

Check it out!

There should be a video to watch thats very cool, very moving, i recommend taking the 3 minutes to watch it! If you don't see it, let me know and i'll post the link to the video.

http://www.standup2cancer.org/

The sun is out and its a beautiful day!!

Hope you all are having a wonderful, joyful weekend!

Eclipse Energy

Tomorrow night there will be an eclipse happening. It can be a time of new beginnings and endings. A time to take risks and make some bold moves forward to better your life.

Thats how I see it anyway.

My dear step sister is graduating today. She has gone through 5 years of schooling while being a mother of a three year old. She not only is going to graduate tonight, shes' going to do it with high scores! You go sista love!!!

She is an inspiration to me in so many ways. Its fitting that her graduation is happening around the eclipse. An ending and new beginning for her and her family.

I'm trying to look at this eclipse as a new beginning for me as well. New ways of seeing things. New ways of behaving. New ways of thinking. New ways of acting.

I'm also trying to ignore all the back to school ads and not buy into the idea that summer is over. NOOOOO! I still want to camp, hike, swim, play!

Theres still time. Thats my mantra today. Theres still time.

Waves are settling

I apologize for the long pause in posts.

I needed some time off and to gather some strength both physically and psychologically.

Sometimes I feel like i'm a sponge, sucking up all energy around me. Once in a while I blow a circuit. Overloaded senses.

I regroup and move forward again.

This time was a bit of a nuclear meltdown, too much detail to get into.

All systems are up and running now. Slowly but still progressing forward.

Lately there has been so much rain and clouds that the motivation to keep a positive, hopeful spirit has been challenging. Not impossible but its like walking with galoshes in the mud,.... leaving solid footprints.

There are going to be some changes in my life, they may not come all at once and be dramatic, but all the same, major changes.

I will keep you posted.

Rain, rain go away, come again another day....
please?

Stormy Weather

To live or not to live, that is the question....

There have been lots of storms lately as i'm sure most people around the country know.

One person was killed by a house collapsing on her. There may have been tornadoes but no confirmation has been made on that.

A storm will come in with dark clouds and then wind and then heavy rains with lightning. The sun will come out, everyone can breathe again. Birds come out, people venture outside. A little while later another storm comes in. Repeat, repeat....

I thought I was out of the storm....., i'm back in it.

I'm not sure what to say about it really.

Its such a tiresome thing to write or talk about. I'm sure people in my life are sick of hearing about it. I know I am. I'm living it and i'm sick of it big time.

I saw a new therapist yesterday and it didnt go well. She was all business and I felt like I was in bootcamp. She was the drill sargent. All about rules to follow and what she expects from me and how I am "encouraged" to try this and that....no smiles, no empathy or sympathy, nothing.
Rules and guidelines.

I left there feeling worse than when I arrived.

I'm at the point right now where i'm just so tired of it all, really tired. Tired of this depression, tired of fighting to stay alive.

I don't want people to write me to tell me how they want me to live or how good of a person I am, i'm not looking for sympathy or help in that way. No pity party please. I'm just expressing how I'm feeling.

Shitty really....

I think the guilt of how people in my life would feel is keeping me alive right now. The guilt of how my family and friends would be affected if I took my own life.

Why is it that we stay alive for other people?

This new therapist wants to make sure I stay alive. Why does she care if I stay alive? She doesnt know me, i'm not in her life in that way, why care?

We put our animals down or discard them if they are a nuissance but we can't accept it if someone wants to leave this earth now. why is that?

The pro-lifers fight against abortion but will (not all) allow this stupid war to go on and accept that its ok to kill human beings, for what?

We kill animals for food and fur and leather.

I just got to thinking about it lately.

The catholics say its a sin to kill yourself and you'll go to hell. I don't believe that.

There are so many rules and religions about life and what that means. But its also twisted. The death penalty is ok? Murder is justified sometimes? I don't get it.

I don't want anyone to panic that reads this that i'm going to do something drastic.

Yes, its on my mind.

But like I said before, I have too much guilt to actually do anything. I don't want to hurt people.

In the meantime i'm hurting, ....inside and out right now.

Hopefully next post will be positive.