Shift in a nano second

My brother has been speaking with me about writing. He is currently writing some personal stories and thoughts. I decided to pick up one of my favorite books on writing called "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott.

I had started a novel a few years back, hand written and now lost. I wonder if I wasn't supposed to finish it, just move on to something else? That was just a first draft of better things to come.

I read the Writers Almanac from NPR every morning and todays excerpt is especially moving for me.

It got me thinking of how emotions can shift in a nano second.

Reading a moving poem, seeing a piece of art, hearing a lovely piece of music, smelling a familiar scent.

Our senses are powerful tools to conjure up emotions and memories.

I was especially upset last night when my neighbors decided to have a party starting at 10pm. By 2am I had had enough. I had been so calm and enjoying my novel on writing when it all shifted to anxiety and anger. I went through all the thoughts of what I wanted to do or what could I do to alleviate my negative emotions and thoughts.

In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy they talk of "wise mind", where you are not in your emotional state and not in the reasonable state but in the middle. Where you can see what is really going on and not reacting to situations, standing back and seeing the situation for what it truly is. Thats challenging when you have sounds and thoughts coming at you at a fast pace. It took me a few hours but I got there. I saw the situation for what it was and was able to relax back to sleep.

Next time i'm hoping I can come to that place in less time.

Retraining the brain takes time and patience.

A Year Goes By So Fast!

August 26, 2007 I posted my first blog here!

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since that first day.

I wasn't sure I would blog much at all. I was thinking I would just stop posting after my radiation treatments were over.

This blog has been very helpful for me to express my feelings and thoughts about my journey.

I truly appreciate all comments given to me, thank you!

The beautiful weather has finally arrived in Maine! The kind of weather that people flock here every summer for. July and part of August were very wet and cool but this last week has been perfect!

I still haven't reached my goal of camping out, but I haven't given up quite yet.

I DID get to spend some wonderful time with my brother, his girlfriend, and my adorable nephews this past week. My brother and his girlfriend went off camping and adventuring while his sons stayed with the grandparents. I was able to spend some one on one time with each of the boys. Really great!

I took the oldest boy to Fun Town. I was hoping to ride some fun rides but he wasn't into most of them. He loves the games the best. I think his favorite thing was to throw the baseball at a target that can tell you how fast the ball was thrown. He has quite the arm on him for a ten year old. The highest speed he threw was 42mph. Even the girl running the game said he should go pro. My nephew was all smiles, so proud of himself.

I loved watching him on the bumper cars. I can't do the bumper cars, too much for me, but I loved watching him drive around and smiling, having fun.

He also loved driving the big antique cars that ride on a track but you can still steer them a bit and use the gas pedal. I sat in the back and he was so happy. The third time he drove the car he insisted going alone.

Four hours later in the blistering heat I had had enough. I had wished my nephew had wanted to go to the water slides too but he said to me "I don't feel like getting wet today".....

shoot....I was looking forward to whizzing down those fast tubes of water.

next year perhaps.

I also got to take my 6 year old nephew alone to the playground. We had a blast. He told me stories as we ate our "fake" macaroni and cheese dinner, played whiffle ball with a cute little girl named Faith. They both made me run quite a bit after that ball. Quite the hitters they were!

I took my oldest nephew to a skateboard park where he could try out his new skateboard and gear that grandma and grandpa got him for his birthday. He was a bit embarrassed at first because all the boys there were much older and didn't have a helmet or elbow pads on. He said he felt funny or embarrassed. Finally he got out there and tried the course out.

I posted a picture of him trying to balance and not fall. So cute if I don't say so myself, proud aunt that I am!

I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with my brother as well.

Good times all around, even did some dancing friday night!

Today is a day of rest for the most part, it IS labor day after all!

Thanks for sticking with me after a year of posting, here's hoping I make it to another year!

Blessed Be to ALL!

All Clear!

This morning I had my 6 month unilateral mammogram. Just on the "infected" side.

There has GOT to be a better way! It's almost comical how medieval the procedure is.

I then had to wait for the Radiologist to review the scans, took forever! Then I take my old films up to the surgical breast doctor. Wait, wait wait....

She comes in with an intern doctor, asking me questions and I wanted to say, GET TO THE FILMS! She finally did, and she saw some calcium deposits, but she thinks that they are the same ones I had a year ago, and theres no issue with them.

So, i'm all clear until 6 months from now when i'll have my yearly bilateral mammogram.

Whew! Safe for another 6 months!

I can let out my breath now

Sorting it all out

Sometimes it's frustrating when you can't figure out for sure what's going on in your body.

I've been having some pain and mostly sore muscles lately.

My sleep hasn't been great either.

The doctors I see will ask me if I know why I feel this way. I can't seem to figure it out and I believe it can be almost impossible to know for sure.

The sleep could be due to menopause, or the new meds i'm on or who knows....

The pains...well there are a few. I now have trocanteric bursitis. Could be due to my power walking. I tend to push it too much without stretching first. Could be due to my aromatase inhibitor i'm taking, that keeps the estrogen down. My sore joints more than likely is due to that.

I'm seeing my osteopath about the neck,shoulder, back pain. The bursitis may have to be helped by Physical Therapy.

I had an x-ray on my hip area and it came out good, no fractures or dislocations or calcium deposits. Since I have osteoporosis they wanted to make sure I didnt' do some damage.

Figuring out why i'm having a symptom would be nice but is it really all that important?

Maybe not.

Walking really helps me in so many ways, and since I dont have a car or frequent use of one, I need to walk and take buses. Its hard when the doctor says to ease up on the walking when I really get good benefits from it.

So, i'm just walking slower and taking buses more often, but I'm still walking.

Its just another reminder that things are different now. I need to be more aware of my limitations and take better care of my body. I don't seem to heal as fast as I used to.

I'll be walking today, getting some food, i'll use my push cart instead of a big backpack.

It's all about adjustments.

I saw a story about an Olympic athlete (Natalie du Toit) who lost her leg and how she adjusted. She made it work for her, she adjusted her way of doing things and her way of looking at her goals.

My stubborn side wants to throw a tantrum and say, "NO, I want to do things the same way I used to!"

I'm readjusting my attitude, little by little.

Sorting it all out.

Sad News

I just found out that an amazing cancer warrior has died. Leroy Sievers. I have a link to the left of the website under sites I go to daily, under My Cancer Blog, its npr.org/mycancer. If you would like to read a wonderful article about Leroy and his passing....click on the first blue highlighted area on the August 16th post, it will bring you to the article.

I loved reading Leroys' thoughts and honesty with how he felt and what he was going through.

The comments people left, including myself, were very moving at times, funny and helpful for my journey.

I don't think I know of a tougher cancer warrior than Leroy, ( i didnt know him personally but felt like i did due to his wonderful writing), he didn't want that cancer to take over and went through so many procedures, experimental and otherwise to help do that.

He was told he had a couple months to live after his cancer returned but he lived 2 1/2 more years.

I believe his fight and journey has helped a huge amount of people that either know of someone who has cancer or they are in the cancer world.

You'll be missed Leroy!

Rest in peace .......and kick some butt on the other side for us here, Leroy, help find a cure!

New Link

Hi ya'll!

I found out about a new website that is very cool!

Check it out!

There should be a video to watch thats very cool, very moving, i recommend taking the 3 minutes to watch it! If you don't see it, let me know and i'll post the link to the video.

http://www.standup2cancer.org/

The sun is out and its a beautiful day!!

Hope you all are having a wonderful, joyful weekend!

Eclipse Energy

Tomorrow night there will be an eclipse happening. It can be a time of new beginnings and endings. A time to take risks and make some bold moves forward to better your life.

Thats how I see it anyway.

My dear step sister is graduating today. She has gone through 5 years of schooling while being a mother of a three year old. She not only is going to graduate tonight, shes' going to do it with high scores! You go sista love!!!

She is an inspiration to me in so many ways. Its fitting that her graduation is happening around the eclipse. An ending and new beginning for her and her family.

I'm trying to look at this eclipse as a new beginning for me as well. New ways of seeing things. New ways of behaving. New ways of thinking. New ways of acting.

I'm also trying to ignore all the back to school ads and not buy into the idea that summer is over. NOOOOO! I still want to camp, hike, swim, play!

Theres still time. Thats my mantra today. Theres still time.