Correction

My mom informed me that I made a mistake with the info on the male and female bald eagles.

The female is actually larger than the male, not what I had stated before...

Thanks Mom!

Linda

I just got the news that a former employer and friend passed away not too long ago.

Her name was Linda Montgomery. I worked for her as a personal assistant. She had diabetes and due to complications with her circulation etc... she became blind and had to have part of her foot amputated. She also went through kidney transplants and dialysis, many treatments and surgeries.

Linda used to be a photographer, loved nature and wanted to capture it on film. When she became blind, you can imagine the heartache she must have felt.

She turned her disabilities into something to benefit others. She would speak at schools, write books of inspiration, spread the word of faith and hope.

There are many memories I have of my time with Linda. I'll mention a few of them here.

Linda challenged me in many ways. She wasn't the easiest person to work for. She wanted things done in a particular way and would fight you on it. I did admire her tenacity and spirit, she was very driven and didn't let much get in her way.

We took a trip to Maine and she got to meet my family. She took a few pictures with my camera and surprisingly they came out very good. She just went with her other senses to guide her lens.

She lived in NC for many many years, thats where I met and worked for her.

She brought me to a wonderful all black baptist church nearby. She had been going off and on for years. I was nervous at the time but.... I believe I mentioned this story in a previous post.....
i'll never forget that experience. The energy of the place, the joy on Lindas face. My finally letting go a bit more, trusting, being in the moment.

The last thing I want to mention is every Christmas Linda would have a card made. Each year it was something more outrageous. She hired a photographer and would put on the appropriate costume for the theme in mind. The card looked like she was actually doing the things she dreamed of. One year she was a mermaid, one year she was flying in a hot air balloon, one year she was driving a race car or something along those lines. She had the biggest grin on her face. I think she really got a kick out of creating the next years card. I'll miss getting them.

Inside the card she would have a typed letter letting us all know what shes been up to. She also had some words of healing and positive suggestions on how to live your life.

I bet shes having a blast now, on the other side, able to see again, able to walk well again, and able to help whomever needs it.

She will be missed.

Eagles Flying High

Saturday I went on an Audubon trip with my mother. We drove about an hour and a half to the dock where the boat took off.

The actual boat trip was about 5 and a half hours.

Apparently bald eagles are coming back in numbers. I think I heard they were removed from the endangered list, which I have misgivings about.

On our way out to sea we saw some harbor seals and a few harbor porpoises (smaller than dolphins), that was exciting.

All in all we saw over 20 bald eagles! We definitely needed binoculars to see them well except this one time when one was flying not far from us overhead. That was my favorite moment of the trip. The eagle soared in circles, graceful and majestic. It was molting time so his wings had some tatters and holes.

I learned that its nearly impossible to tell a male and female bald eagle apart. The females are smaller in size but thats about all the difference. The younger eagles are mostly brown, they don't have their white feather caps on yet.

It was a beautiful day and the rivers we toured were lush and green, with lots of rocks and pine trees to gaze at.

Birds of all sorts were spotted. Great Blue Herons, different types of Loons, Gulls, and more. People would spot something and yell out the location by saying if the bird was at 10 o'clock or 2 etc.... All the binoculars and cameras would be in their positions scoping out each species.

I wondered if the eagles were wondering what we were all looking at, whats all the fuss?

I was reminded of how beautiful birds are and nature in general. I wish I took more time to appreciate my beautiful state I live in.

I listened to Leroy Sievers memorial/celebration of life on NPR.org today. It was recorded for the MY CANCER bloggers, so nice of them to do that.

One thing that Leroy said was something like.... take time out to do something you would have put off for tomorrow. Try something new.

Well I tried something different. Going on that boat ride. It was long and I was totally exhausted by the time I got home but it was worth it. I'm glad I went.

I can picture that soaring bald eagle in the sky and remember the beautiful and precious things of this world.

Remembering

I didn't want to let today pass without saying something about 9/11/01.

Our country has changed in so many ways due to the horrible events on that day.

Peoples' lives have changed.

Politicians say that we need to feel safe, do what we can to accomplish that sense of security.

How can we really feel safe?

I don't believe we have that control. No matter how many walls, fences, or security measures we create, we can not have that kind of safety.

So, how do we live?

For me, I have to live each day and hope that my world won't be turned upside down from a phone call saying someone I love has died or has discovered they have a disease. I have to live my life as if tragic events won't come my way any time soon.

If I live in fear and try to control all that's around me, I am not really living.

A neighbor of mine told me that someone got stabbed on a street that I frequently walk down. She said it was during the day and I need to avoid that street now.

No, i'm not going to do that. I will be aware of my surroundings and take certain precautions but i'm not going to stop doing the things I want to do because of some event or someone elses fear.

I want to remember all the people who died on 9/11, stop for a few moments and think about the losses the families are dealing with and will always deal with.

To honor those who are dying every day, I want to live my life to the fullest. Try to be happy and try to help others in need. I don't believe that living in fear and reacting in violence will honor the people who have died.

So, to all those who have died and to all those who are grieving or in pain in some way, I honor you! I hold you in my heart and send you healing white light.

Objects of Memory

I saw this show on PBS about Objects with Memories.

At first I thought it was about psychic ability, to retrieve memories or emotions from objects by touching them.

I was surprised to find out it was about objects saved from tragic events. Mostly about 9/11.

People had left personal items at "ground zero" and all over the city. In memory of people who had died.

Objects were also found from the two towers, personal items, that were given to family members of the people who died. The items were simple to most but to the families they were profound. Some people told the stories behind the items, like this one woman who said her sister loved her summer bag and inside it were her rosary beads. Another woman said her husband carried a $2.00 bill in his wallet and she did as well, 2 hearts connecting, second marriage etc.... His bill was totally intact.

It got me thinking about items that i've saved when people have gone from my life.

When I was younger I used to save the oddest things. I saved matchbooks and drink coasters from dates I had with a current crush of the week. I saved concert ticket stubs, buttons, stickers. So much stuff.

Then when my boyfriend died I wanted as much of his things as I could get a hold of. In search of something to bring him closer to me, closer to my heart. He used to roll his own cigarettes
and after he died I found one in my ashtray and saved it. I was able to get a few of his personal items that his birth mom had in storage. The one thing I treasure most is a sweater that he had worn on his last trip here to the states, when I had met him. After his celebration of life gathering I had found it on the bed he was sleeping on. I held it to me and could smell him on the sweater. I didn't want to take it off. Luckily I was able to keep it. I made copies of pictures of him when I hadn't even met him. Someone elses' memories. I wanted to somehow piece together his past, understand him more, get to know him without him.

That was nearly 9 years ago.

Nowadays I just have one picture out of him and its not the first thing I see when I wake up.

I've moved on in some ways, but in others i'll never move on. He is a part of my history, a part of my heart.

The objects don't matter anymore, just the memories.

I do believe that objects are a part of the healing that needs to happen for anyone grieving. It can bring you back to the moments you need to remember, to hold close to your heart.

Shift in a nano second

My brother has been speaking with me about writing. He is currently writing some personal stories and thoughts. I decided to pick up one of my favorite books on writing called "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott.

I had started a novel a few years back, hand written and now lost. I wonder if I wasn't supposed to finish it, just move on to something else? That was just a first draft of better things to come.

I read the Writers Almanac from NPR every morning and todays excerpt is especially moving for me.

It got me thinking of how emotions can shift in a nano second.

Reading a moving poem, seeing a piece of art, hearing a lovely piece of music, smelling a familiar scent.

Our senses are powerful tools to conjure up emotions and memories.

I was especially upset last night when my neighbors decided to have a party starting at 10pm. By 2am I had had enough. I had been so calm and enjoying my novel on writing when it all shifted to anxiety and anger. I went through all the thoughts of what I wanted to do or what could I do to alleviate my negative emotions and thoughts.

In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy they talk of "wise mind", where you are not in your emotional state and not in the reasonable state but in the middle. Where you can see what is really going on and not reacting to situations, standing back and seeing the situation for what it truly is. Thats challenging when you have sounds and thoughts coming at you at a fast pace. It took me a few hours but I got there. I saw the situation for what it was and was able to relax back to sleep.

Next time i'm hoping I can come to that place in less time.

Retraining the brain takes time and patience.

A Year Goes By So Fast!

August 26, 2007 I posted my first blog here!

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since that first day.

I wasn't sure I would blog much at all. I was thinking I would just stop posting after my radiation treatments were over.

This blog has been very helpful for me to express my feelings and thoughts about my journey.

I truly appreciate all comments given to me, thank you!

The beautiful weather has finally arrived in Maine! The kind of weather that people flock here every summer for. July and part of August were very wet and cool but this last week has been perfect!

I still haven't reached my goal of camping out, but I haven't given up quite yet.

I DID get to spend some wonderful time with my brother, his girlfriend, and my adorable nephews this past week. My brother and his girlfriend went off camping and adventuring while his sons stayed with the grandparents. I was able to spend some one on one time with each of the boys. Really great!

I took the oldest boy to Fun Town. I was hoping to ride some fun rides but he wasn't into most of them. He loves the games the best. I think his favorite thing was to throw the baseball at a target that can tell you how fast the ball was thrown. He has quite the arm on him for a ten year old. The highest speed he threw was 42mph. Even the girl running the game said he should go pro. My nephew was all smiles, so proud of himself.

I loved watching him on the bumper cars. I can't do the bumper cars, too much for me, but I loved watching him drive around and smiling, having fun.

He also loved driving the big antique cars that ride on a track but you can still steer them a bit and use the gas pedal. I sat in the back and he was so happy. The third time he drove the car he insisted going alone.

Four hours later in the blistering heat I had had enough. I had wished my nephew had wanted to go to the water slides too but he said to me "I don't feel like getting wet today".....

shoot....I was looking forward to whizzing down those fast tubes of water.

next year perhaps.

I also got to take my 6 year old nephew alone to the playground. We had a blast. He told me stories as we ate our "fake" macaroni and cheese dinner, played whiffle ball with a cute little girl named Faith. They both made me run quite a bit after that ball. Quite the hitters they were!

I took my oldest nephew to a skateboard park where he could try out his new skateboard and gear that grandma and grandpa got him for his birthday. He was a bit embarrassed at first because all the boys there were much older and didn't have a helmet or elbow pads on. He said he felt funny or embarrassed. Finally he got out there and tried the course out.

I posted a picture of him trying to balance and not fall. So cute if I don't say so myself, proud aunt that I am!

I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with my brother as well.

Good times all around, even did some dancing friday night!

Today is a day of rest for the most part, it IS labor day after all!

Thanks for sticking with me after a year of posting, here's hoping I make it to another year!

Blessed Be to ALL!