I went to see my amazing Polarity Therapist two days ago to get balanced and she always brings me back to center. To see what is really going on, spiritually anyway.
Marsha is very tuned in to whats happening to me now. It is very validating and ensuring that things will be as they are "supposed" to be. That doesn't mean all happy and cheerful. But it doesnt mean all doom and gloom either. I look at it as a few more lessons at school to learn.
I was telling someone the other day that just because i'm dying, doesn't mean I'm finished learning and can just lay back and do nothing.I have more things to learn or to teach others. I discovered one lesson yesterday when i was getting my apt cleaned by a wonderful woman and sometimes her husband. You just never know when or if the lessons are for you or for the other people involved.
I also mentioned to my Polarity goddess that I don't want the pain that comes with the learning anymore. Can't I be done with that now? Sometimes experiencing the intense pain brings us to the level that we need to get to, to be able to feel what is necessary. I'm still working on accepting that lesson. :)
Right now I am truly not afraid of dying, I believe the place I'm going to is extremely beautiful,. Its the pain and the having to say the goodbyes, that's the just awful part.
Thats the part I have always hated. Goodbyes to people I care for tremendously.
I know I'll see everyone again , If I choose to see people again they will be easy to see. If they also want to see me. I was told Stuart will see me right away, along with many many others who have crossed over due to cancer and other ways. I'll be surrounded by light and love.
I'm so curious how it all "works' over there on the other side. How do we all get to the places we need to get to? I'm sure I'll learn it all when I make it to the place I need to be at.
With the help of all of you who support me in whatever way you can. Prayer, healing light, whichever way. Its the intention that makes it possible for me and others to cross over.
Its all getting so heavy lately. Thats the place i'm heading for so why not talk about it now?
I'd love to hear any kind of stories of encounters of spirits of loved ones or of spirits of people unknown that you may have had moments or encounters with, I'd love to hear all about it.
Thats it for now. I'm going to try and rest, get balanced on these new meds and hopefully be more present for visitors and life in general.
Today I get to see my little niece later on today with her momma. Loving and tuned in this little girl is too, it can be remarkable to be around her just to witness what she says and does.
I am also putting out a notice to say that I'm having to put my cat up for adoption. I'm really really upset about it all. I know I have wonderful friends who would help me out but i think I need to see if a "perfect" situation comes up to the forefront first. I just don't know HOW i'm going to say goodbye to my Angel Boy. He's been there for me for many hard hard times. I know it will have to be done, but just not now.
Its all so overwhelming at times, but i'm taking it day to day and so far I haven't totally messed things up. LOL
I hope you all are still hanging in there with me for this crazy ride and hope-filled journey.
Thank you so very much!
xoxoxo
5 comments:
You are such a beautiful and inspiring person Jenn!! I love reading your blog. You write so well and I learn so much about life (and many other things) each time I sit and read through your present and past blog posts. Oh and your little Stewie is such a handsome boy!! He's a cutie kitty!! :) Thinking of you always!! *hugs*
Oops, forgot to sign my post above and I don't know how to edit posts. lol It's from me.... Deb P. :)
Hi Jenn
I have had many encounters with family and freinds from the " other side" . For me they come to me in subtle ways. When my cousin died suddenly in an accident, both me and my other cousin ( we were all born in the same year) had dreams about him the 6 months prior to his passing, I also had a strange compeling need to study archery, a few months before, he was an avid archer, I puled a photo of all the cousins when we were little and it sat on my window sill also several months before. At the moment he died, I thought about him stopped right on the street just to let the thought all the way in for a few minutes.
My friend Renton died 9 years ago when a rip tide took him. The strange thing was that we worked together on a boat a few months before and there was a moment when he was looking over the railing in a trance like state looking at the water as the light refected on the waves. He was working on an independent film and cast me in a part, the day that I went shopping for the outfit,I had a subtle but insistent wordless impulse? Insistence not to make the purchase, a few hours later when I got home, I got the phone call saying he passed. The story of his accident was in fragments yet for some reason, I was the person who, by chance? had all the pieces and was able to tell his beloved aunt/ mother ( she raised him) the whole story. You may remember him from the old GF days. There were a lot little miracles.
Stay in tune with your highest self.
Liz NYC
I have *lots* of stories I could tell you about my mom's communications with me. Firstly, the day she died and we got the call she was in the hospital with an anurism, we told my (then) 2 year old (Elizabeth)we needed to go visit grandma in the hospital and she said to us "I had a not-good dream about grandma last night". My (then) husband and I shared a glance, but raced to the hospital. She was gone around 9pm that night.
Afterwards, as I was preparing for the funeral, while drying my hair with her old hair dryer (which had been working fine thus far), it literally blew (I wasn't harmed, just surprised!). I knew in my heart it was my mother manipulating energy to let me know she was around.
I had a really hard time dealing with her death, and went somewhat numb for a couple of years. When I finally started dealing with it, little...miracles...started happening. The neatest thing (for the sake of trying to keep this from becoming novel length) is that she gets me a Christmas gift every single year. Yup, you heard that right.
I either have an actual tangible object, or money comes into my possession RIGHT before Christmas in a way that it is unmistakably from my mom.
1) Around Thanksgiving 1 year, I thought about the Mr. and Mrs. Santa dolls my mom set up every single year at xmas. My step-father had insisted on keeping all of her xmas decorations, and we were not on good terms anymore, so I knew there was no way I'd ever see them again. Some....urge?..."out of the blue"...told me to look on ebay for a Mr. and Mrs. Santa set. I would have been happy for a close likeness of the original. Wouldn't you know, someone was selling the exact same set (it was made from a kit sold back in the 70's that uses a dish soap container for Mrs. Santa's body). Sure enough, my bid won and I now have that set.
2.) Another year, my dad (who divorced my mom when I was 2 and was married several times) connected me with one of his ex-wives on Facebook (she and I always got along very well). Anyway, we connected, but then never really said much to one another besides the occasional hello. Well, she sent me a msg around Thanksgiving (again right before xmas!) saying she had an "urge out of the blue" to look up unclaimed money from the treasury of the state of Maine. She plugged in names of some of her family members to see if there were any hits. Mine had a hit.
She told me I should check it out. I did, and low and behold I received a check for $350-ish dollars RIGHT BEFORE XMAS.
3) This past year, around Thanksgiving (are you seeing a pattern here? lol), I had this sudden memory of a ceramic xmas tree my mom had made back in my early 20's. My (then) boyfriend ended up winning it in a raffle. I lamented that I knew he'd never give it back to me (if he even still had it), but had this..."urge out of the blue" to take a trip to Goodwill.
Can you guess what they happened to have on the shelf for sale? Yup, a ceramic tree in the same style as hers was. Naturally, I scooped it up and brought it home.
I do see mom in dreams from time to time, although I don't often remember the dreams very well. I just feel comforted and happy to see her. I have also seen my old cat, Mittens, in a couple of very, very, very vivid dreams in which I could actually feel her fur rubbing against me.
Christmas was my mom's favorite holiday, and so naturally I now have learned to appreciate it more than I ever have. I try to remember to stay open to her yearly "gifts". Some may see them all as coincidences, but what are the odds?!?!
Hugs, Val
Dear Jenn, I found your blog by searching for radiation side effects, because I am coming out of week two, exhausted in a weird way, feeling nausea come and go, and having pain in the breast that is being radiated. Needless to say, your entries from 2007 and on, have been incredibly helpful.
You are a major force of awareness, and it is a gift to read your thoughts and feelings as you go through this conscious process in stage IV. I hope that I can offer you some warmth and comradeship, as what you have shared about STUPID CANCER has warmed and supported me. Thank you for exerting yourself by blogging, even when its almost just too much. With gratitude and respect, Mame
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