Day Thirty One

Late posting, was in bed most of the day yesterday when i got home....I wrote this from a cafe after i left the hospital...

Pea Soup out there this morning. Haven't heard any fog horns surprisingly.

Walked to the hospital. More humid than i realized. Busy morning in the waiting area. Four women. One was there for the first time. Colon cancer. She's having some chemo and radiation at the same time, so she can go to work afterwards. She mentioned she's going to have her entire colon and rectum removed. Wow! She looks like shes around 50 years old. You'd never guess that she was sick by looking at her.

It's interesting to see people who are just starting their journey with cancer treatment. That familiar look of anxiety, or wanting to get answers. Wanting someone to tell them "i've been there, and it will be ok", but i can't say that, i don't know if it will be ok. I also have not really been there, not in her shoes.

I've noticed for the last few days or so that when i stand up i get dizzy, like many people get when they stand up too fast. Its been a bit worse than that. It happens if i stand up fast or slow. Today, i noticed that after i got off the table, slowly, i had to steady myself against the wall. I was surprised due to having walked there and my blood pressure should be normal or higher than my normal which is low to begin with. Miss V suggested i get the nurse to take my blood pressure. I agreed. Why not? I waited a few minutes for nurse C. She led me to the exam room and as she was doing so said "It has nothing to do with radiation, you probably have a virus". Thats been her answer before. A virus. Sure. I told her that i've been pretty tired and maybe I haven't been drinking enough water. She said "well, that could be". She took my BP and said "oh, it IS low", like i had been lying to her or something. She had me stand up and then she took it again. Apparently it went back up a bit and thats good. She told me to watch it and try to drink more water. If it doesnt get better go see my regular doctor. She seemed so put out to take my BP. I noticed the other day that she was shopping online for a dress. Couldn't even look up from the computer to say goodbye to me.

I saw my grandmother before i had another appointment. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks. She is in the beginning stages of Altzeimers. She still knows who i am, thankfully. It was funny when she saw my hair. She hadn't seen me without a scarf. She was taken back a bit and then she said i looked like a boy. She didn't say it in a mean way, just a matter of fact way. I know not to take her comments too seriously. I told her that i'll have to put some lipstick on. She said "ok" and preceded to wait for me to do so. I explained that i meant i'd put some on later.

My grandmother is very serious about image and has never left the house without lipstick on. She's from the south and has always looked so put together, from my memory anyway. Before i left she said i looked cute, so i guess she got used to my new look.

Everyone i know wants to feel my head, its like baby hair. It may be similar to pregnant women who have people touching their bellies without asking first, a bit invasive. It's a bit like a dog being petted. Its also fun, i understand why people have the impulse.

Thank you so much to all of you for your wonderful comments, i really appreciate you reading and commenting, its nice to know people are tuning in. I feel I have people with me on my journey. I live alone and sometimes its just nice to have that knowing of not really being alone.
Thank you.

Only 2 more to go!