Acceptance and Gratitude

Hi Ya'll

I have been on an up and down roller coaster since my last post. Wow!

Christmas dinner was lovely, even if it was on New Years Day, due to my poor mom who
had the flu and couldn't be around me due to my compromised immune system.

It can be a lonely place, to feel like the girl in the plastic bubble. Everyone tiptoeing around me, wondering what to say or what not to say.

I have made some mistakes, ......hell, lots of them. LOL

I am on an unfamiliar journey. At least I don't consciously remember going thru the death process before this life time. I'm bound to make some mistakes, hurt peoples' feelings. Its par for the course.

I got home from a wonderful support group at the Cancer Community Center a little while ago.

The people there in the group are all so special. I try not to use Brave and Courageous, even though its the truth. I want to say that they are all so "present" to their own journeys. They are living WITH cancer. Every day they are experiencing something new that involves cancer. A new pain, a new symptom, a new diagnosis, a new treatment option. Or the waiting game. Waiting for results to come in. Waiting for hope that this next treatment or clinical trial will be the one that will cure them!! Waiting.....

Aren't we ALL waiting to die in some sense? We're all going to die some day.

Having a major illness is something that people who do not have it, can't even begin to understand what it's like. Thats why I am so grateful for this group and for the center in general. A place where people can go and feel like they don't have to put on the "face". Be comfortable and take off the wig or show your scars without judgment.

Its an understanding. People nodding their heads as I speak of something they can relate to. Its so comforting and validating to have that kind of support.

I'm trying to learn acceptance now. I've mentioned that before.

Well, I"m still workin' on it. :)

The nausea is getting worse the last few days. I made it an hour and a half with a friend of mine yesterday, before I had to head home due to feeling awful and exhausted.

I was able to make it to group today but again, I'm worn out.

Acceptance.

Maybe, as a woman today said to me, I am here for some purpose I don't yet know about?

Have you noticed the trees out your window today? It's windy here today and they are blowing around, like a dance. Beautiful!

It's the seemingly small things that make me smile the most lately.

More later.....stay tuned :)