Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Day Three

Well, today started off poorly to say the least. First i woke up to the smell of garlic and onions. I wondered if my neighbor was up early cooking, sometimes she'd be up late cooking, so it wasnt totally out of the question. It wasnt my neighbor, i discovered that when i opened up my fridge. A wall of garlic and onion smell hit me in the face. I had forgot that i had cut up the garlic and onions the night before to use later in some chili, apparently hadnt covered it up well and the whole apartment reeked. I quickly put the container in the freezer and opened up the windows and put the fans on. My eyes were practically watering from the smell. Next, as i was speaking with my friend on the phone, i noticed my cat was freaking out, running all around the apartment making lots of noises. I assessed the situation and found that part of his newly evacuated feces was dangling from his butt hairs. He tried to free it from his behind by dragging himself and his butt on the floor, which now had a smeared trail on it. That didn't work for him, so he was upset, wanting it off! I didn't want him to have an asthma attack, so i needed to resolve the issue fast. I quickly got off the phone, got a washcloth and slowly approached Stewie. He's a large Maine Coon Cat who had been abused so its taken me a long time to gain his trust. Finally, after many attempts he let me wipe him off. I then had to hurry and clean the floor, get ready and walk to my radiation appointment. In between the garlic and onions and poop episodes, i had spilled a glass of water. It wasnt starting out to be the best day. It was only 8am. I had woke up at 4:30, i was not awake for all this. When i arrived at the hospital I was sweating and frazzled, great time to be cooked. I had about 5 minutes to cool down before i went into the chamber. R and S informed me that they were going to attach a device, that looked like a plug for a walkman, to my chest area at some point during the treatment. Its meant to test the amount of radiation that is affecting my skin, to see if my skin is handling the radiation ok. I'm sure there is a more technical explanation, but thats what i gathered was happening. I wondered if the radiation would affect the device and possibly absorb into my body. There is metal and plastic on it, why wouldnt it absorb? Some people say that using plastic in microwaves isnt good due to the plastic absorbing into the food, thus ingesting the plastic when you eat the food. Of course there's some controversy with that, but i tend to believe it to be true. I use glass when i am able to. I didn't have a microwave until i got cancer, which i find a bit ironic. My mom bought me one so i could heat up meals and have an easier time when going through chemo, it has helped a lot i must say. I had woke up this morning feeling really blue, heavy sluggish like. By the time i had got off the torture table i was ready to burst. Too much had happened in such a short time. S had noticed something wasnt right with me. She picked up on it, asked if i had friends and family to support me, she said "let us know if we can do anything." I was fighting back the tears, desperately. When i got to the dressing room i burst into tears, the flood gates opened up. I sat on that bench a long time crying. I felt like i was in some bad soap opera. I took my time getting ready, almost forgot to apply the aloe. When i got myself together and went to the front desk to see the doctor, nurse C thought i had left. I had to wait while she had a tense moment with the radiologist, can you say awkward? I was not in the mood to see the doctor at all. I just wanted to go home. The radiologist introduced himself and asked how things were going. I wonder what he would have done if i had told him the truth? He looked at my wound where my mole was and told me that it would probably get worse and not heal during the whole time i'm in treatment. I was upset because i had asked two doctors before i had had it removed, and got the ok, and now i hear this? grrrrrr.....I left the office pretty quick after that. I was going to go to the other hospital i had gone to for my chemo, to see my old crew, tell them how wonderful they are, tell them i miss them, how lucky i was to have been there, but i didn't have it in me. I needed to get home, to prepare for a visit with an old friend. After getting a burrito, putting up some flyers for the cancer community center, i took a bus home. Not the best day for me. Only 30 more to go!

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